Going stir crazy yet? Has being cooped up for a month made you lose your mind, your children hate you and you can not stand the way your partner breathes?
Well, feelings of stress and anxiety are normal for people confined in together and under the fear of getting sick or of a loved one dying. It is normal to get fidgety and grumpy. If we pretend we are not frustrated or angry when what we repress we will eventually express in our words, actions, tone, behaviours and in some cases violence.
Yes, however, you do have a choice. Manage your emotions or they will manage you. First, you have to acknowledge your feelings and where they come from. It is a current event or a trigger from a past event? Is it unresolved frustration or a new event, like the situation we are living in today?
Children often are unaware of what is happening on a deeper emotional level and simply act out. Usually when the parents are at their wit’s end. Being able to recognize our frustration level and manage our words can save much heartache and regret. Words are like a knife and cut deep, leaving internal emotional bleeding. Let us avoid saying hurtful and destructive language to each other, our partners, family and especially our children.
Remember your Self-care tool-kit? Probably not if you are about to explode at your family. It is never too late to create one for you, teach your children and partner. This means each person finds something, does something, reads something creates something that makes them happy, recharged, energized, fulfill, at peace, calmer, empowered, peaceful and ready to continue with life. Along with the tool-kit is maintaining a positive attitude. These give you resilience in life.
Still, feeling apoplectic? Seething, fidgety, enraged? Well take ten deep breaths and read the following perhaps there is one idea that can help. Everyone use imagination for ideas and break the day up into sections. Keep a routine if possible.
Ten things to do that may work for you so you don’t go crazy.
1- Create a poster /collage of all the things you like/love this includes the people, things you like to eat and things you do that make you happy. For example, I like to travel and on my ‘things that make me happy board’ are pictures of suitcases for travelling, a baby picture of my daughter, partner, a photo of my grandma taking a sip of a beer, my 99-year-old aunt on a Honda Gold Wing Motorbike, picture of broccoli, spaghetti, the Eiffel Tower, a bike, running shoes, a watch and many positive sayings such as ‘very happy, a touch of sparkle, women rule, small steps can make a big impact, life is good, you are good, inspiration, follow your passion). I cut everything out of magazines and from pictures. Unlimited resources from the internet.
2- Don’t forget date night. Romance does not happen. Those fairytale ‘forever in love’ only in the movies. Romance is a partnership of caring. It is work. Make it happen with a date night. You are at home every day so use your imagination. Take turns, ask your children what dinner and food preparation would they like to try as a ‘date night’. Encourage them to make dinner for you as a couple then take turns and create a beautifully set table to enjoy the experience. Write little ‘love/inspiring’ notes to each other and hide them around the house. It is the little things you do for each other, showing how you value them and love having them in your life.
3- Remember some form of fitness for your body and mind. An anxious body needs to get that energy released. This goes for both parents and children. Ignoring the levels of stress and we turn into a volcano…. never know when the next eruption. Yelling and screaming are never useful or effective, it destroys love and a sense of security for everyone. Playing inside games requiring movement is one way to help get rid of the tenseness. If you are feeling tense with the social isolation/school work then probably so are your kids. Being in isolation is staying away from other people.
Get outside if possible walk around the block (mindful of social distancing) and play games, tag, pretend to host the Olympics in your backyard or basement. You could use balls for shotput, a hula hoop for a ring toss, flower planters could be used as ball tossing or bases to run around. Balloon volleyball was a favourite of my daughters. We did this inside and outside. Everyone can use imagination for ideas and break the day up into sections. Keep a routine if possible.
4- Take care of the mind, in other words, use this as an opportunity to build knowledge and awareness for everyone. Meditation, yoga, read books, listen to audiobooks, improve writing skills, try an online class, practice a new language or try to learn and play an instrument. Share a learning conversation with your partner and children. Use the internet as a tool to build your knowledge of the world.
5- Speaking of conversations every relationship needs open, honest and loving conversations. Sometimes they can be difficult and necessary to knock down walls and rebuild bridges of understanding. Having a certain day or week to discuss different ideas, questions and concerns. It is interesting to learn from others when we ask questions.
Feelings are feelings and do not have to make sense but they are important and need to be validated as such. As for your partner, decide what is worth discussing, what is not and mindful of those little irritants that can pile high quickly especially under weeks of home isolation. Everyone is allowed their voice. No one has the right to silence you. Yelling is only okay if the house is on fire or you won the lottery.
6- Virtual travel. Take a trip on the wild side of the virtual world. Pick a country and learn about the food, culture, religious practices, its history. Make the food for added fun. Learning about other cultures and places builds understanding and compassion.
7- Make your puzzles. The first design, then cut and play. Each day could be something different and unique. Anything that you or the children may find interesting. Try to use imagination and not only technology.
8- Tv nighttime, game afternoon. Pick something to watch together or not. I know my daughter used to love slasher films and these made me squeamish. Set boundaries on watching TV or playing games during the day and into the night. It may be a quick pacifier for the nagging but in the end, having ruled as if it was a school day to maintain a sense of routine.
9- Give back.? How can you give back to the family next door, to the community, to others who suffer? It is the little things of kindness, a spark of creativity in which amazing ‘calls to action’ are achieved! Generate ideas on how to make a project online, social media, letters to papers, our Provincial and Federal leaders on ideas to make our community and country a better more inclusive safe place to live. Imagine the innovative and ingenious creative ideas from our children. You are only as limited as your imagination and the willingness to put in the EFFORT.
10- JOURNAL OF GRATITUDE. Everyone needs to have the ability to find gratitude it keeps us from sinking into a gloomy mindset. At the end of each day talk about what there is to be thankful for in the day. Having this positive attitude is what gives your children and you the resilience in life. Resilience to bounce back after the COVID 19 weeks and maybe months of isolation.
Give yourself and your family permission for a time out. Each of us needs a few minutes or hours to just ‘be’.
Everyone, I hope, will have their coping skills, a self-care tool kit for good mental and physical health. I want to remind you that we are all in this together. At some point in time, we may experience intense anxiety, panic attacks and fear. It is okay to feel those emotions and to acknowledge those feelings is an important part of healing and taking back your power. Understanding that everyone in our home is experiencing their own emotions knowing this can help ease the frustration levels from going to a critical stage, and blow up. Take a few deep breaths, a time out, refocus, reframe your emotions and stay calm.