PTSD can seem like a life sentence.
Struggling with memories, nightmares, anxiety, loss of concentration and memory, fears, triggers, hyper startled response, other physical health problems, relationships suffer to name just a few.
After retiring in 2009 I thought I would be ‘fine’, that I would be ‘normal’,
my old self. Once removed from the stress of bullying and harassment, life would be great. Sadly, this was not the reality. Sometimes just getting up in the morning seems an overwhelming task for many of those living with PTSD. I waited for the normal.
After a few years realized that living with PTSD had become my ‘new normal’. The reality that the old me was gone seemed like a heavy weight on my soul.
Was I an angry? Yes, absolutely!
There came a time when along this journey of darkness that the decision to live was greater than the decision to surrender in despair. Each of us has choice. What was the future going to look and feel like?
How I got through the darkest hours was with help from a professional (medication and counseling), creating my self-care tool kit and having a positive attitude. Most importantly using my voice!
Why would you want to continue to speak up?
This is a question often asked by those who have attended one of my presentations. Well, in life we learn lessons and then we are to share these lessons so that others do not have to suffer. For me it was and continues to be important to encourage others to speak up about bullying and sexual harassment. If no one says anything then nothing changes.
Part of empowerment is in empowering others. Part of healing is in the healing of others. Focusing on the positive helps move us forward and not stuck in the darkness of the past.
Helping the very organization that failed to help me is also part of the journey. The RCMP has many good officers who want to do the right thing but are working in a dysfunctional system. People are speaking up, changes are being implemented. I have hope for the next generation.
Why write about PTSD? The reason is to share the lessons and to help you,
to never give up on yourself, to seek out positive supports, to know that you have a choice, that you are not alone in your suffering with PTSD. That your voice counts today and everyday at home and in the workplace.
“Even the darkest hour has only sixty minutes.” Morris Mandel
You are not alone.