People who are being bullied at home, in school, in cyberspace or in the workplace suffer today and each day. In many cases for a life time with devastating results.
Yes they suffer. You many not see what is happening because we only see a snapshot of people. Be curious. No one is immune from the stress and anxiety associated with bullying. You see it slowly wears people down, day by day, word by word and action by another action. Chip chip away at your self esteem. At first you think ‘I can handle it’ but if no one stops this violence, if no one is willing to speak up and stand up to the bullying violence and I call it violence, then the bullying escalates.
Imagine going to work where all your energy is focused on just staying safe, thinking ahead of what happens when the bully walks into the office, or the next phone call or email? What do I do if she/he yells again? Why are people so mean? Who do I turn to for support?
Okay so you take a few days off. That is good for your mental health. Even though you may be sitting on the beaches of Cuba, the warm sun on your face, your lovely partner beside you, the sounds of the birds and you look at the cloudless blue sky…. your mind is really OTS. Out there somewhere, thinking about the job you have to return to, the bully who is waiting to pounce again with humiliation and violence. Yes this is the reality for anyone who is dealing with bullying. It may be in varying degrees but the stress to your mind and body is immense.
Our bodies react to stress. Back in the cave days we used the fight or flight hormones and hyper-vigilance to survive and run from the predators and then we could relax. If you are dealing with a bully that stress hormone never gets turned off. Your body never really has an opportunity to heal. Long term stress is a killer. Like I said it wears you down slowly.
What happens to the victim?
Over time damage to their physical and mental health, depression, illness, fatigue, relationships suffer, family dynamics are destroyed, memory loss and poor concentration which affects work performance, constant fear of the unknown, anxiety and suicide.
What can a victim do to survive?
Learn about self care. The only person you can change is you and the only person you can make happy is you. You cannot change the bully or the organization. You can change how you respond, what you take in, how you detach from the bullying behaviors and how you react.
Creating your own self care tool kit and strategies is key to surviving and thriving. So that at the end of the day once at home you are loving, happy and mentally present for those you love. Yes you can do it. It takes awareness and practice of self compassion.
Recognizing when your body is trying to send you the message that ‘hey we are feeling really stressed!’ It is the little things that can give you that mental health re-charge of happy energy. Sometimes we can get so bogged down that we are unable to recognize the stress. It is the daily attention and being mindful of our own need for self care that turns surviving into thriving. Set boundaries on behaviors you accept and not accept. Saying no, changing the way you deal with the bully for the first time can be intimidating. Once you do it know matter what happens you are empowered, you have stepped out of your comfort zone.
Think about some tools you probably already have and fill up your tool kit. As for the bullying remember to Document events at work, seek out positive supports, professional help is also a good idea, what hobbies do you like? What movies are feel good movies? Tv shows you enjoy. Find a form of fitness for your lifetime. Fitness helps with stress, anxiety and depression and also releases those feel good hormones.
Bullying can change your life and after 20 years as a victim I have taken the learning experiences to move forward in life with my own tool kit. Looking back to the darkest days I had a few tools and over the years filled the tool kit to overflowing. I keep adding to it which makes life awesome! Yes, everyday I pull out something and keep the mental batteries on full charge.
Yes you can too! For further tools watch TEDx Winnipeg 2015 on “Tools to Survive Workplace Bullying”