Trauma, memory and moving forward look and feel different for everyone.

This blog is about an interesting experience I had and wanted to share the experience. For me, part of moving forward is paying attention to the now. Also paying attention to the triggers of the past. It is important to keep moving forward and not be locked in our mistakes and trauma. Took me a long time to get to this day. Sharing is part of helping others. I like to celebrate the causes which are empowering.  Such as International Day of Girl, International Women’s Day, Human Trafficking Awareness Day, End Bullying is a few.

“IWD 2021 campaign theme: #ChooseToChallenge

A challenged world is an alert world. Individually, we’re all responsible for our own thoughts and actions – all day, every day.

We can all choose to challenge and call out gender bias and inequality. We can all choose to seek out and celebrate women’s achievements. Collectively, we can all help create an inclusive world. From challenge comes change, so let’s all choose to challenge”

I choose to challenge ending human trafficking, violence against women and girls, bullying and harassment.

I choose to challenge ending misogyny, homophobia, racism, help people speak up and believe in the power of their voice to make our world a better place.

I had the privilege to spend time with Joy Smith, founder of the Joy Smith Foundation.

What Is Human Trafficking?

Human Trafficking, also known as Modern Day Slavery, involves the recruitment, transportation, or harbouring of persons for the purpose of exploitation, typically in the sex trade or forced labour.

According to the United Nations, human trafficking is the fastest growing and third most lucrative criminal enterprise globally with annual profits as high as $36 billion per year. It is estimated that there are 30 million people enslaved through sexual exploitation or forced labour worldwide.

Human trafficking may occur across or within borders, and can involve extensive organized crime networks. Traffickers use various methods to maintain control over their victims, including physical violence, sexual assault, and emotional abuse. Victims may face severe consequences if they refuse to comply or attempt to escape. Traffickers clearly violate the basic human rights of their victims. This is a crime that reaches all elements of our society.

Her years of unwavering persistence and courage to change our laws, to bring education, awareness to the horrors of human trafficking and support for victims have saved lives and put the perpetrators behind bars.

Joy’s work has resulted in the first February 22 National Human Trafficking Awareness Day. 

“I actually cried because of what this means to validate a victim-survivor experience, what families have gone through, to say Canada cares was the most important message I took away.”

It is difficult to understand the various survivor behaviours victims experience as Trafficked victims. Fight, flight, freeze, the Stockholm syndrome, victims can be confused about their own experiences. We have no right to judge them on their journey. Victims need compassion and support from the trauma they have suffered. From the article in Psychology Today “It’s More Than Just Fight or Flight

How trauma responses manifest in human trafficking survivors.

Survivors may also not be fully aware of how their responses to the traumatic events that they have experienced impacts their current behaviors and perceptions of the world around them. Trauma-informed approaches to help survivors must account for survivors’ experiences and acknowledge the many potential negative, long-term effects of trauma. Survivors can feel invalidated or retraumatized if the severity of their experiences is not recognized.

Prioritizing survivor’s safety and autonomy can help avoid retraumatization. Helping survivors to understand and explain how trauma has affected their brain and their responses in the long-term can be incredibly empowering. It can be difficult for survivors to learn how to recognize the difference between a real and an imagined threat. They struggle with being able to feel a sense of safety. Avoiding living in a constant survival mode will likely take years to master.

But there is hope—survivors can overcome these obstacles with time and effort. Some techniques that are often useful are practicing setting boundaries, articulating their opinions, saying “no,” and prioritizing their own needs over others’. Mindfulness, yoga, self-soothing, and other grounding and self-care practices can also help survivors learn how to wait out or overcome the stress responses that may not be serving them well. Seeking support through psychological counseling is especially important.

 

The interesting part about our meeting was that we had met before at one of her presentations on human trafficking.  It was just after I wrote my book Women Not Wanted, I was still lost and broken from years of workplace bullying and violence in the RCMP.

She remembers me, the sadness on my face,  and after reading Women Not Wanted,  was shocked to learn about the abuse. The interesting part of this story is that I did not know she, as an MP, was advocating for me in Ottawa, and took my book to the then RCMP Commissioner Zaccardelli suggesting he read it.

I’m pretty sure he didn’t because if he did, he would have realized the serious damage systemic bullying and sexual-harassment was doing to the RCMP organization, victims and employee morale. For me, it’s disappointing that not many, media and government officials,  were willing to also speak up for victims which resulted in years of suffering and trauma.  I am most thankful for Joy being willing to be part of the conversation. Totally awesome!

I celebrate her and all women, those who identify as female today, survivors on International Women’s Day and every day.

One thing I am learning on my journey from despair to empowerment over these many years is how trauma, stress affects our body but also our mind and brain. Trauma affects our memories, our ability to concentrate our sense of safety and trust. I had no memory of attending her presentation until she mentioned we had met before. Click… then the memories came flooding in from that time period. You see, the journey from then to this day was long and tough. Stepping back from suicide to wanting to live was the beginning of recovery. I am so thankful each day to celebrate life’s beautiful moments.

The good news is I am a much happier person today from the journey of despair to empowerment. I LOVE life!

Yes it was a tough time, yes I decided to live, to seek out positive support,  professional help and that included medication. Creating a safety plan so if I ever felt suicidal again they were people to phone and provide the support needed to keep me safe.  Over the years I created a self-care tool kit for good mental health.

Along the journey to empowerment realized it’s so important we support each other during times of stress.  Personally, women need to support women. In my workplace and relationships have sadly experienced jealousy, alienation and resentment from other women. If during my life I have behaved with such a lack of compassion then I apologize.   Look at it this way no matter what I do, as a motivational speaker and workplace consultant, I know there will always be someone else who can do it just a little bit better than me, and that’s OK.  Celebrate your own accomplishments big or small.

Find your own ways to be empowered then help others to find their own way to empowerment.

An empowered woman gives other women a hand up not a push down. An empowered woman does not judge or condemn other women for their successes in life. We all have our own personal challenges.

As I drove home from meeting Joy Smith, I was feeling overwhelmed with ‘joy’ of thankfulness that I did not die. Turning on the radio listened to The Traveling WilburysHandle me with Care’. The words seemed to hit a sensitive trauma because tears began to flow. Not tears of sadness but happiness.  The words ‘handle me with care’ are incredibly important for those living with trauma. Remember to handle people with ‘care’ every day because really, do we ever really know what is happening for someone else. Kindness is always best for others and yourself. Be Kind.

International women’s day is about celebrating women and those who identify as women, addressing inequality, economic disparity and gendered violence. Every voice counts. The power of your voice is amazing, never give up on yourself!

Our scars remind us where we have been but do not have to define future happiness and success.

Keep the conversation going about ending harassment, human trafficking, providing education, support for the victims.  Keep the conversation going about ending bullying and violence in all its ugly forms. If no one says anything then nothing changes and we have more victims.

I repeat… Never give up. Always believe in the power of your voice. Handle me/you/others with care!

#choosethechallenge #internationalwomensday2021 #endhumantrafficking