People ask me all the time how did I survive workplace sexual harassment? The answer is never easy, is never quick it’s never one thing to stop the violence. I call sexual-harassment violence because it is in fact violence.

The fear it creates, shattering the sense of safety in the workplace, the trauma, the long-term emotional and physical damage to the victim, results from this violence.

Definition of sexual harassment. How did it start in my workplace? What happened to me?

It started out small and soon escalated into violence.  As a new recruit I knew there would be some hazing/ teasing from senior officers but had never in a million years thought it would be sexual harassment.  In reality I did not even know what sexual harassment was until months later when I filed a complaint. It began with two officers and the silence of others. Sexual harassment in my situation can be defined as the unwarranted, inappropriate and unwanted sexually suggestive names they called me, and unwanted physical advances.

The name-calling beaver and raison tits!   As you can imagine I was shocked and embarrassed. Ignoring it didn’t seem to work, it continued.
I went to each one of them individually asked him politely to please stop calling me those names, they simply laughed
Next I went to our boss, our leader, and explained the name calling, how I felt, and asking him to tell them to please stop calling me these names. He simply laughed, and said maybe I enjoy the attention. That was very discouraging. The message was clear I was on my own. The message this is a bullying workplace.

At parties a couple of these same officers thought is was funny to bump and grind me in the doorways.  Pretend to follow me into the bathroom, try to kiss me at Christmas parties. At another detachment the commander thought it would be funny to push me back in my chair up against the wall and kiss me, no one said anything. In fact their laughter encouraged him.  I was frequently asked about what I like in bed, sexual comments on my civilian clothes,  they offered ‘to service me’ sexually even though I showed no interest and they were married.

Psychology today and sexual-harassment in the workplace.

 

Document, document, document! I did all that mentioned above, the blamed and shame. So much self doubt ‘Was I too friendly, too accommodating, not agressive enough, too flirty?’  Lots of uncertainty and blame which resulted in my months of silence.  Sexual-harassment that I experienced, the name-calling by two officers, one being my supervisor who did my assessment, created an unsafe workplace. Imagine all my attention was focused to staying safe from the perpetrators. This is what happens to victims of sexual harassment, they focus on staying safe and it is difficult to focus on your work.  The silence of others was deafening. I felt totally on my own.  The failure in leadership allowed and condoned the behaviour. I documented each of these events, dates, times, places, who said what, when and where and witnesses. Later this would be documentation for a Canadian Human Rights Complaint, Federal Lawsuit and testimony for two Senate Committee Hearings on harassment in the RCMP and Federal Government and the guts for my book WOMEN NOT WANTED.

Speaking up took a long time. It’s scary getting out of the comfort zone of being a victim from sexual-harassment. We tend to blame ourselves and down play the seriousness. Our sense of safety in the workplace is shattered, feelings of dread going to work and working with individuals who truly believe they have the right to sexually harass and abuse other people.

Sexual harassment leaves its own trauma.   There were times where I thought if I did not shower, brush my teeth they would stop.  It was not a solution. Sexual harassment is about power. There was nothing sexy about my uniform, bulky uniform and bullet proof vest, no makeup, no perfume, nothing that remotely made me look sexual. It is about power.

I learned strategies to avoid certain places with these two officers, avoided parties where I was the only female, did not engage in their disgusting comments, left the room, did not go for coffee with them, refused to be alone in the car with either of them and preferred to drive alone or with other officers while on duty. It only takes one person to ruin a workplace if there is failed leadership.

I kept up with hanging out with supportive positive friends and my therapist.   Later  learned effective listening and communication skills to avoid getting caught up in their negative abusive conversations.  It took practice to detach from the sexual harassment and workplace bullying. I eventually filed a Canadian Human Rights Complaint that was the only thing that seemed to get the detachment commanders attention and the attention of the RCMP. Clearly no one was listening and speaking in the way of a formal complaint was a start of beleiivng in the power of my voice.  I knew that doing nothing then nothing was going to change, I had to try, you have to try to speak up to defend yourself. Even if nothing changed it was empowering to me. Everyone is different and has to feel safe on their own terms.

Language and the power of our words can make a different in dealing with sexual harassment.  Using’ I’ messages and the power of the word, NO!  For example:    “I will not respond to you if you talk to me that way”, “That is disrespectful and I will not talk to you until you calm down and can converse with respect.”   “When you yell/scream/use foul degrading language/ talk to me this way I feel humiliated please stop.”  No matter what they did, speaking up was about taking back my own power using my voice to end the violence.    Either way I felt empowered. Sometimes when we change how we respond the bully/harasser may also change, not always but you feel stronger. It worked for me and the journey began.