Sexual abuse in hockey? It is never okay in any workplace.
In 2010 Kyle Beach was 20 years old, an NHL hockey player, Chicago BlackHawks, full of dreams and hope of a successful happy career. Yes, sexual abuse has tainted his life from that moment. If people think sexual abuse does not damage you, think again. It destroys our sense of self, our sense of safety when the perpetrator doing the abuse is a person of trust and has power over your life, and career. Certainly changes the balance of power. Often people do not have the emotional skills at such a tender age to find ways to cope and navigate through the abuse. It is difficult enough for anyone who has experienced sexual violence. Let alone the courage to speak up with the reality of the power structure of the NHL. He did the right thing by bringing the complaint of sexual abuse forward, and the league failed him miserably by deciding over profits and winning. Any shame that Kyle experienced needs to be on those who knew what had happened and yet failed to respond, who failed to hold the perpetrator accountable and remove him from violating another victim, who failed to do anything productive! They failed in providing the supports needed for Kyle as he progressed in his life and career. Do they think Kyle is the only victim, think again? Predators don’t stop until they are made to stop.
Something to think about is the level of culpability. Who defines who is most responsible, the perpetrator of course but what about all those folks in the meeting. I don’t care what level of power one had or did not have, at any time in the last decade someone could have said something. Speaking as a victim of sexual violence in the workplace and failure of leadership, it seems the Chicago BlackHawks management was concerned for their ‘career success in the playoffs’ seemed to trump the sexual abuse by one employee against one of their players. To me that is disturbing, and as a society where we are encouraging men and women to speak up about sexual violence and the #Metoo movement continues, the message is clear, go ahead but do not expect management to do anything if it interferes with profits, reputation and level of comfort!
In an organization that is worth billions, a 2 million dollar fine from the league is a small change. If you want to create change then make the fine match the offence. Ask Kyle Beach what would be an appropriate fine. I would say at least 10 million dollars one million for each year he had to suffer in silence. Donate that money to a sexual survivors fund. Provide ongoing education for all NHL employees, which means everyone from the General Manager, club owners and those who clean the floors!
On Tuesday, the NHL announced it had fined the Blackhawks $2 million for what the league described as “the organization’s inadequate internal procedures and insufficient and untimely response” relating to the team’s handling of alleged incidents of sexual misconduct involving former video coach Brad Aldrich in 2010. The league says it punished the team following an independent investigation.
The Blackhawks commissioned a probe after a lawsuit was filed over the 2010 incident earlier this year by an unidentified hockey player, according to the report. The independent investigation determined that on May 8 or 9, 2010, there was a sexual encounter between Aldrich and the unidentified 20-year-old player, who was a member of the Blackhawks’ minor league affiliate team, at Aldrich’s apartment. The player alleged that Aldrich sexually assaulted him while Aldrich contended that the encounter was consensual, the report reads.
People are not alone. Moving forward…..
An important part of what’s happening in the NHL today is the fact that people are speaking up. Kyle‘s revelation mirrors the tragedy and triumph of other victims of sexual abuse in the NHL. Speaking up and sharing your stories is one way of taking back your power and In creating a safe space for other victims. Just because no one says anything doesn’t mean they have not experienced sexual violence from a person in a position of power over their career, their work and life. This position of power can be real or perceived.
Everyone copes in their way,
often in self-destructive behaviours like drinking or drugs to mask the emotional pain. Victims of sexual harassment and abuse often internalize the events and horror they experienced. It is locked deep inside their soul and body until a moment when they decide it’s time to speak up and let it go. Sometimes people never get to that place of release, that sense of emotional freedom. For those who remain locked in their silence shame they need to recognize that people are speaking up and that their voice matters, what happened to them matters, they need to speak up and find their way to move forward to let go of the silence and pain.
Speaking up is everyone’s responsibility. The silence of bystanders can be deafening!
The positive side of Kyle Beach sharing his story is the fact that people are having this conversation. The perpetrator, the failure of management to some degree, has been held accountable. The NHL entire world is on notice that this behaviour will not be tolerated, and that survivors will be acknowledged and supported as they bravely find their voice.
I remember when former NHL player Sheldon Kennedy courageously spoke up about sexual abuse by his coach and the courage he showed the world. Can you imagine the ripples of shock that reverberated around the NHL?
Kennedy has been a leading voice for sexual abuse victims following his own experience being abused by then-coach Graham James for five years during his time as a junior hockey player.
It doesn’t matter if sexual violence occurred today yesterday or 30 years ago, the trauma lasts forever. Learning to cope with your new reality after that horrible experience depends on the coping skills you have, the support and the validation you receive from those who share your pain. To be denied your voice after sharing your pain, and trauma is to be denied part of yourself. This is what happened for Kyle Beach.
If no one says anything then nothing changes! Like any workplace on or off the ice, it is the culture, leadership and the silence of bystanders who allow the violence to continue.
Kennedy said in Chicago’s situation, the issue should have been dealt with immediately.
“If you look at this case, it’s the bystanders,” he said. “There are a lot of eyes on that team on any given day, and how do we create a confidence within those eyes and within those people to know clearly what to do and clearly where to report — and have that report followed up with action?
“It’s not any more difficult than that.”
Western University associate professor Ken Kirkwood, a bioethicist who specializes in professional ethical standards, said it can be challenging for many athletes to navigate power dynamics on sport teams.
“You’ve succeeded because you’ve shut your mouth and done what was expected of you, respected authority and did what was asked of you,” he said from London, Ont. “So you’ve been groomed in a way, just by the process of sport.
“So it’s conceivable that if somebody had the inclination to use that against you, or as a weakness, it’s perfect.”
Abuse of power comes in all forms. Speak up, believe in the power of your voice, seek out positive support and never give up on yourself! It takes courage to survive sexual abuse and courage to speak up. It is incredibly empowering as well as an emotional release to say out loud your trauma. Again I speak from my own experience with rape by a co-worker in the RCMP.
“To be honest, it’s already out there,” Beach said to TSN. “The details were pretty accurate in the report, and it’s been figured out. But more than that, I’ve been a survivor, I am a survivor. And I know I’m not alone. I know I’m not the only one, male or female. And I buried this for 10 years, 11 years. And it’s destroyed me from the inside out.”
I would encourage anyone who has experienced sexual harassment/assault/violence to find their way to speak up, to seek positive support, professional help, to create tools for self-care/nurturing/safety as they navigate through the journey of emotional trauma and pain to a place of inner peace and calm. No one has the right to define you from your past. You are worthy. Dr. Kelli Palfy is an expert on helping men deal with sexual violence. She is an excellent resource.
Our scars remind us where we have been but they do not have to define our future success and happiness. Speaking up is part of taking back your power and by sharing our stories, we are keeping the conversation going about sexual violence in the NHL and including all workplaces.