The power of our thoughts to hurt or using our power of thoughts to heal?
It’s a choice.
With the recent climate locally, nationally, and globally, we are dealing with mixed emotions. Sometimes a roller coaster of emotions in what we see, what to do, what to say, how we feel and how we choose to cope. We can feel somewhat helpless! I know because I’ve experienced that roller coaster of emotions over the last several years and especially during my career as an RCMP officer dealing with workplace bullying, violence and harassment. It can feel claustrophobic, it can feel dismal and it can feel hopeless.
Remember we have a choice in how we react, how we respond and what we retain. Sounds easier than it is because it requires EFFORT. Like anything in life, we have a choice and if we want to change a habit, or pattern of behaviour it takes action and EFFORT.
Most importantly we have a choice, to recognize that we have a choice in everything that we do, say and think. It’s called attitude. A positive attitude. In the article Positive Thinking: Stop Negative Self Talk to Reduce Stress.
Understanding positive thinking and self-talk
Positive thinking doesn’t mean that you ignore life’s less pleasant situations. Positive thinking just means that you approach unpleasantness in a more positive and productive way. You think the best is going to happen, not the worst.
Positive thinking often starts with self-talk. Self-talk is the endless stream of unspoken thoughts that run through your head. These automatic thoughts can be positive or negative. Some of your self-talk comes from logic and reason. Other self-talk may arise from misconceptions that you create because of lack of information or expectations due to preconceived ideas of what may happen.
If the thoughts that run through your head are mostly negative, your outlook on life is more likely pessimistic. If your thoughts are mostly positive, you’re likely an optimist — someone who practices positive thinking.
The health benefits of positive thinking
Researchers continue to explore the effects of positive thinking and optimism on health. Health benefits that positive thinking may provide include:
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Increased life span
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Lower rates of depression
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Lower levels of distress and pain
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Greater resistance to illnesses
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Better psychological and physical well-being
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Better cardiovascular health and reduced risk of death from cardiovascular disease and stroke
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Reduced risk of death from cancer
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Reduced risk of death from respiratory conditions
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Reduced risk of death from infections
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Better coping skills during hardships and times of stress
Our attitude is the one thing that we have absolute complete control over. Knowing this, you may feel empowered. Again it’s a choice.
So ask yourself when you are experiencing negative news, negative experiences and negative emotions be mindful of what is your or your first thoughts? Your first reaction?
If you think about it we are all interconnected throughout the entire globe. There is no single nation that is not impacted by the behaviour of another nation at some point in time throughout history. Good or bad.
Imagine if everyone thought in a positive way when they were interacting with each other? Imagine the power of positive change? Imagine the power of kindness compassion and cooperation? Fewer judgments and misunderstandings? Less violence and death?
Our thoughts lead to our actions.
Our negative thoughts lead to negative actions. Our positive thoughts lead to positive change. Thinking ‘if only’ leads to negative thinking, painful memories, and anxiety. I am sure we have been down that ‘if only’ depressing road. I certainly have.
If only thinking looked like this but everyone has their own ‘if only’ stories. If only I did not yell at my child 20 years ago, if only I left that relationship sooner if only I told my — my true feelings/anger/disappointment before they died if only I spoke up earlier. Not helpful. Not empowering. Not self-care, this is self-destructive and shaming. Time to shift your thinking to more positive messages, let go of the past, finding ways to see the beauty with forgiveness and self-compassion. Everyone does the best they can with the information and skills at that moment.
Think about how you react to various events in life.
When you wake up feeling grumpy and angry that will be your first response when life doesn’t go your way. Be mindful when you are interacting with others.
On a personal note, it was only a few days ago that I realized I had been harbouring this hurt feeling towards someone who betrayed my trust and did not respect our boundaries for seven years and I realized suddenly seven years what a waste of time!!!
At that moment I shifted from totally letting go to moving forward. Now everyone’s different. That means you will take your own time when you need to move forward and change to a more positive mindset. I cannot change the person who betrayed us and they are sadly still in the same mindset of ‘playing the victim role’ which is sad. Having a healthy conversation I had hoped they would change or at least be aware of their behaviour, but sadly no. Although I didn’t spend all that time lost in despair, those feelings of betrayal and hurt were like waves every once in a while pounding on the shores of my mind. It is “The Power of Positive Thinking” by Norman Vincent Peale (my first exposure to the world of positive thinking at 20 years old) that helps us move forward, to find a way to let go of the anger/resentment/hurt/sadness/loss. If I can do it, and it is never too late, then I know you can too. Life is much better without those emotional chains. In the article in Psychology Today, The Power of Positive Thinking:
The power our thoughts have over our feelings bleeds into our everyday lives, too. Life is not always consistent. There are times when it’s easy to make life go well for ourselves, while other times it can feel really difficult.
You’ve maybe even found yourself in the same situation at different points in your life and each time you handled it differently. This is because our thoughts have a lot of power over how we feel, and ultimately how we act.
In fact, oftentimes our thoughts shape the way we feel. Our happiness is dependent on the quality of our thoughts. We’re not happy because we’re happy, we’re happy because we interpret the things that happen to us as good. On the flip side, if we interpret the things that happen to us as bad, we tend to feel unhappy. Our thoughts interpret the things that happen in our lives and as a result, they have a strong influence over our happiness.
Don’t wait,
don’t wait for someone to change, don’t waste your time like in my case, seven years. Yikes! Time to move forward today. Your mental health, you are worth it. Will there be triggers? Probably, but the difference is knowing how to handle those negative thoughts and pivot to positive. We cannot deny or change the past, what we can do is take the lessons not the pain. Thinking positive thoughts makes you feel different, more alive, fulfilled, energized, and peaceful.
If you wake up feeling grumpy, angry and make the conscious decision to restart the day more positively, then that is how you will react would like doesn’t go your way, positive. We have a choice to regulate our anger and dial it up or dial it down. The key is to be mindful of what is going on inside our minds. We cannot change others, only ourselves.
Changing our attitude and how we look at things, patterns of behaviour take time.
Shifting from negative to positive thinking it’s so worth it. It doesn’t mean you won’t suffer sadness loss and trauma only that you will bounce back faster because positive energy is what gives us resilience in life. Never give up on yourself.
Always believe in the power of your voice. If I can do it, then you can too.