Do we have a choice in how we want our relationship to evolve and grow?  Yes, we do!

Ask yourself when was the last time you reflected on your relationship both personal, professional and intimate? Are you happy? Are you being fulfilled? Are you bullied or silenced? Are your relationships open enough that you can speak up and share things without the fear of being rejected, ridiculed and condemned?

There was a time that I felt that way and it was a sad place to be for those many months. A confusing time for me who promotes empowerment and speaking up. It was a learning opportunity. Took time to realize what was happening then time to create better communication skills and a willingness to speak up. It was also a lesson in trusting that if my partner and I were to part, I would be OK. Sad perhaps but OK!  Clinging to a lousy relationship is like clinging to the Titanic.  These were powerful and important lessons that I use today such as self-respect in setting my boundaries, boundaries around my partner and me, family, friends, and in the workplace. Removing toxic people from my life and those who do not respect my boundaries. Some people will learn and some will not learn.

I want to get the best out of my relationships as well as give my best to others. If we don’t know what that is then we need to find out more about ourselves. Instead of shutting down during a difficult conversation, choose to bend like the Willow tree, bouncing back. To be aware of how our past has impacted our today.

In the article ‘How Many Problems Does it Take to Ruin a Relationship’

• Heading into relationships, people often have a set of “dealbreakers” or qualities that would disqualify a relationship.
• Real-life relationship decision making is complicated, and people end up not adhering to their dealbreakers as closely as they might think.
• Rather than being “one and done” with dealbreakers, study participants seemed to follow a rule of “no more than four.”Early in a relationship, everyone is on their best behavior. Both partners emphasize their best traits, while carefully concealing their flaws. It can’t last forever. Eventually, imperfections emerge. Problems arise. Doubt creeps in. Should we stay, or go? That’s what makes dating so difficult. Though we form impressions of a partner’s physical features immediately, their personality, qualities, quirks, and characteristics get revealed much more gradually. As we learn more, we have decisions to make.No one is perfect, so flaws are inevitable. But, how much is too much?

Our definition of deal-breakers, boundaries, and past trauma all impact us. I cannot be with a partner who smokes or hates fitness. It is compatibility in the important qualities that truly matter.  Happiness is not just a state of mind it is a choice and an evolution through our pain and trauma. I feel everyone deserves to feel happy, joy and inner peace. Of course, this will look in feel different for everyone because we are all beautiful and unique.

There’s nothing I would change in my life, the past pain, and trauma because these intense moments, and experiences have created the best and strongest parts of who I am today.

Think about it, who we are today is a result of our past. We cannot deny or change it, what we can do is learn from it, to move forward, define ourselves, love, and experience inner peace and happiness.

Why would you want to change something that created great courage in you?  Like I said before happiness is a choice, moving forward from our past pain is a choice.

If you were struggling then I would suggest you seek out positive support, perhaps professional therapy to get you unstuck, to learn, to understand your own patterns of behaviour, childhood trauma, and what might be holding you back to achieve all your dreams, in relationships and happiness in life. We may not have been born into ‘perfect’ homes but that does not mean we have to repeat the same negative or destructive patterns of thinking, believing and behaving. It is never too late to re-learn.

Relationships may come and go but the most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. It’s never too late to learn to revalue who you are, to create self-care tools that help you deal with the past pain and the experiences of today in a more positive mindset and positive coping skills.

For me, I believe everyone deserves to feel safe, and happy at home in the workplace and in public spaces in all their relationships.

Sometimes it’s difficult to recognize an unhealthy workplace and unhealthy relationship. Usually, we fail to see or choose not to acknowledge/recognize the signs for many reasons.  I have done that ‘willful blindness for love’, a huge dangerous mistake. Yelling, screaming, bullying, social isolation from family/friends, rudeness, neglect, intimidation, threats, disrespect or violence are not healthy relationship qualities.

Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect and kindness. Relationships that are based on love, honesty, mutual respect, encouragement, nonviolence, feeling safe, heard, valued and honoured are just a few of the important qualities.

I ask you dear reader to reflect on your relationships and how you are doing today? Is there something you need to do or say? There are no guarantees of a tomorrow and it is up to you to make the best of today.   It’s never too late to speak up to change the course of the direction of your life and your relationship with others.

Be mindful that the most important relationship is the one with yourself, how you honour, respect and value who you are today and every day. Please remember you are awesome and deserve to be treated respectfully always! Our past does not define who we are today or our future success and happiness.  Learn to let go of those negative emotional chains.

as well as the selection of partners and relationships as we navigate the journey of life. Take the lessons and not the pain as you move forward in your own life.