Often we plan a ‘successful/happy’ career and have no idea how it will play out for us over time. As a single mom on welfare, my goal was to be financially independent and create a future for myself and my baby daughter. While I was in training to be a police officer, the instructors drilled into us the importance of never lying, (always tell the truth and the RCMP will protect you), and that the law was sacrosanct.

At no time did they tell us what to do when we were experiencing workplace bullying and other violence.

At no time did he explain the negative retribution victims experience when they speak up about bullying and sexual harassment.

At no time did they tell us what to do if we are sexually assaulted by a coworker.

At no time did they tell us how to handle a senior partner who comes to work drunk, crashes his car and then expects you to cover up his impaired driving.

At no time did they provide instructions on the importance of self-care.

At no time did we receive directions on what happens in this ‘protect our own’ workplace culture when we speak up.

At no time did they tell us how to navigate a bullying boss who refuses to follow a child custody order for one of our coworkers.

At no time did I hear any support on dealing with workplace bullying, or sexual harassment.

At no time did I feel protected from the organizational bullying culture.

At no time did they tell us how to survive and thrive 20 years of failure in leadership that resulted in workplace violence, trauma, and diagnosis with PTSD.

My thoughts are on who defines normal. My career, 20 years as a female RCMP officer was marred by workplace bullying, workplace sexual harassment, threats, intimidation, and other violence. It never really stopped the entire 20 years. Yes, they were moments of a peaceful working detachment with co-workers who were respectful and honest. There are many good people within any organization that want to do the right thing but the current system is broken.  It’s important to recognize the damage of a toxic workplace that allows and often condones bullying and sexual harassment in the police community.

Without effective leadership and those in positions of power who are willing to enforce policies, this violence has a devastating impact on victims and eventually the reputation of the organization

I am here today, and thankful to be thriving on the others side of merely surviving or existing. During my career, there were very few people if any at all who are willing to speak up about the toxic workplace culture in the police community. Women, minorities, and anyone considered the other within the workplace organization became a target of workplace bullying.

The bullying and sexual harassment started at my first detachment and at that time I was completely unaware of how this violence escalates when management fails to respond and hold the perpetrators accountable. A couple of officers thought it was funny to refer to me as ‘beaver’ and ‘raisin tits’ in the office,  on the radio, and in front of other community members. Needless to say, this was embarrassing and humiliating. They refused to stop when requested and my boss simply said “maybe you enjoy the attention.” Clearly a failure in leadership and by doing nothing the message to everyone in detachment this is a Bullying Workplace and Sherry’s on her own.

 

Like any type of violence if it is not stopped or corrected it escalates which is exactly what occurred. Over the years riding the waves of workplace bullying and violence has taken its toll on both my physical and mental health.

Early on I realized that to survive in the RCMP, I had to create some tools and strategies that would help me cope with the ongoing violence. Eventually, I created what I call now, self-care tools and strategies. Now everyone is different so that means everyone’s self-care tools and strategies will look and feel different to them. Basically, self-care is taking care of your mind, your body, your spirit, and your emotions. Self-care is about being mindful of how bullying and harassment affect our mental and physical health.

I could have stayed in survivor mode, stuck in the past and paralyzed by fear, or had an active role in my own recovery as I slowly navigated from surviving to thriving. We are all different which means we will all navigate our own trauma and stress differently. The idea is to not stay stuck in the past pain. Take the lessons, not the pain as you move forward on your own terms. Keep speaking up for yourself and those who remain silent, be curious about patterns of behaviour (what’s working what’s not, what’s holding you back, was keeping you stuck), and create your own self-care tools for good physical and mental health for a lifetime.

Moving from surviving to thriving has taken time and effort. Yes, there have been setbacks and the idea is to keep moving forward. There is no normal path as you navigate your own trauma, PTSD from workplace violence. I created Star Agassi Consulting as a way to take the lessons, and share my story so that others don’t have to suffer as I did over the many years. Helping people deal with workplace conflict, bullying and violence, creating awareness of the importance of effective leadership, mental health and a healthy workplace.

Self-compassion also is part of your self-care. Learning to forgive and accept yourself as you are, mistakes you’ve made along your own journey. The important thing is to learn, keep learning take the lessons not the pain, and never give up on yourself. You are worth it. It is a choice to move from surviving victim to thriving successful and happy.