At some point in our lives, each of us has played the ‘when and then game’. Most often we are completely oblivious to playing and it is because we may not have the awareness to recognize how we put off life waiting for the ‘when’, for everything to be perfect. Never going to happen and we are missing out on our life.

Perhaps you’ll be able to recognize the different times in your life if not today that you were playing when and then. Often I am helping clients who are dealing with workplace bullying and they say ‘when the bullying is over, then I’ll be happy’.

My response gives them an opportunity to learn more about their decision-making process  ‘But what happens if the bullying is never over, does this mean you are never going to be happy?’ We make decisions based on our knowledge once we relearn we can change how we think.

Have you heard this or thought this yourself, ‘When my children grow up then I will go get a career. When I’ve finished my schooling then I’ll be happy. If my husband, or partner changes then I’ll be happy. Once I’m divorced then I’ll be happy. When I change jobs then I’ll be happy. When the bullying stops then I can be happy. Can you see a pattern here?’

This is what I refer to as the ‘when and then game’. Let’s face it there are so many things in life we cannot control. The most important thing to note is that we have absolute complete control over our attitude. A positive attitude would give you resilience in life. We do not have to wait for the ‘when’ to embrace life, happiness and success.

In creating your own self-care tools and strategies for good physical and mental health these also help you stop playing the ‘when and then game’.  It’s really up to you and how you decide to live your life, your best life today not ‘when’ things are perfect. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but things will never be perfect, something will always occur that is beyond our control and influence that affect our personal and professional life. Imagine if we all thought ‘when Covid is over then I will be happy’.  The reality is we would still be waiting we would still be stuck in fear and stuck hoping things will get better, settling for unhealthy relationships in our private lives, trying to survive an unhealthy workplace. Paying the game and you are stuck. This is not living it is existing.  Can you be happy now with the current situation?  What do you need to do to become unstuck? It is okay to ask for help.

it is about helping you live your very best life today. Achieving your dreams and goals today not ‘when’ things are perfect ‘then’ you’ll get out of your comfort zone and try new things. I am referring to this moment, this day.

While I was experiencing workplace bullying I eventually created self-care tools and strategies that helped me cope and get through the rough times. During that journey, I learned, that I was playing the ‘when and then game,’ waiting for the bullies to change, waiting for the bullying to end, and waiting for the workplace culture to change.   It’s over three decades and I’m still waiting. However over the years, and it took a few years,   realized I can’t change anyone else, I can’t change the organization and I can’t change the bullies what I can do is change how I react to them, how I respond and what I retain. That was the beginning of stepping out of the game, stepping out of my comfort zone. Enjoying life now, seeking out new opportunities today, planning for adventures today and in tomorrow, and not allowing fear to keep me stuck. Recognizing what I could control and what I can’t control.

It’s really important to take the lessons we’ve learned from our past and share them with others so they don’t have to suffer as we did. Playing the ‘when and then game’ is a vicious cycle of disappointments in our personal and professional lives. No one and no job is worth putting off your own happiness, dreams and hopes to expect them to change, expecting perfection.  Often we are left with feelings of despair, disappointment, and grief.

It’s time to change that pattern of thinking and acting to live your very best life this moment, this day. It’s really up to you. Personally, I love life, recognizing playing the ‘when and then game’ and choosing to get off that roller coaster of misery, and making decisions that are good, healthy and keep me happy energized and emotionally fulfilled.