What makes you happy?

Of course, this leaves lots of room for interpretation. What defines feeling happy? Is it something tangible or more of a mindset? Both really.

Think about something that makes you feel really happy. For example, a friend of mine explained when she is thinking of experiences that were negative and unpleasant, she makes a conscious effort to start thinking of little baby kittens. Their tiny little pink toes gently touching her face. That is an ‘AHHH cute’ moment. Okay! Again happiness, feeling, and being happy is as unique as each of us. No one is the same in what makes us happy.

Dalai Lama Quotes on Happiness

“If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.” “Happiness is determined more by one’s state of mind than by external events.” “People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness.

The idea is to be aware of what makes you feel happy, energized, that sense of inner peace, like who you are, and feel joy. We all deserve to feel joy, and happiness in life. We have control over our happiness. Shit happens but we have that control. Yes, you do!

Our mental health depends on each of us taking responsibility and being aware of how to make ourselves happy. Equally important to remember is that no one can make you happy and no one can change you. This is the same for other people you cannot make someone else happy and you cannot change someone else. Give up on that and focus on how to make you happy today.

This does not mean you become a narcissist and focus on your own needs, wants and pleasures at the expense of others. That will make you unpopular and in the end, feel more alone than you might be feeling today. Happiness is a feeling that helps us get through those tough times in life. From the Psychology Today article on What is Happiness

How to be Happy

Happiness is not the result of bouncing from one joy to the next; researchers find that achieving happiness typically involves times of considerable discomfort. Genetic makeup, life circumstances, achievements, marital status, social relationships, even your neighbors—all influence how happy you are. Or can be. So do individual ways of thinking and expressing feelings. Research shows that much of happiness is under personal control.

Regularly indulging in small pleasures, getting absorbed in challenging activities, setting and meeting goals, maintaining close social ties, and finding purpose beyond oneself all increase life satisfaction. It isn’t happiness per se that promotes well-being, it’s the actual pursuit that’s key.

The tools and strategies we use to create our own sense of happiness require creating awareness and self-care tools and strategies to last a lifetime.

Happiness is a choice every day and through every experience negative and positive. Happiness truly is a choice. For those of us who have experienced trauma, such as neglect, assault, violence, and bullying, knowing how to create our own happiness helps us with those difficult memories/triggers.

Do you wait for things to happen before you are happy? For example: ‘ When my partner changes, I will be happy. When the bullying stops at work then I will be happy? When I lose weight then I will be happy’. If this sounds like you then you are like many others including me at one point, who are waiting and playing the ‘when and then game’ for happiness. Do not wait for happiness to come to you … Or for everything and everyone to fulfill your needs to be happy. You will be waiting a long time and in the end, left lonely regretful, missing out on life, and unhappy. Embrace those happy moments today and every day. It is the little things in life that give us joy and happiness.

I cannot stress enough the importance of knowing how to create your own happiness. Over the years I watched people struggle to make someone else happy only to be deeply disappointed. Over the years I have observed people intentionally refusing to find ways to be happy, and create scenarios focusing on the negative things in their life which results in a perpetual sense of despair, loneliness, and unhappiness.

As I have mentioned many times, happiness is a choice and it requires work, emotional work when we are dealing with a bunch of crap, bullying/cruel people, trauma (childhood trauma), or events we have no control.

Personally, I find it very empowering knowing that I and only I can create that sense of happiness inside my mind. If you focus on the negative that’s what you get, if you focus on the positive that’s what you get. Clearly, the logical choice is to focus on the positive.

Not everyone is born with a positive attitude but guess what, the good news is we can learn to have a positive attitude which creates a sense of happiness. The first lesson is to be aware, that sense of awareness of what you were thinking and feeling. Remember you have complete control of what you think, what you say, what you do, how you react and what you retain. We can always learn a more healthy way to react to life events.

You’re probably wondering what makes me happy.

LIFE makes me happy.

My partner, my daughters, all the self-care tools, my work, family and friends are all part of what makes me happy. There was a time when workplace bullying and violence had nearly destroyed me … And my only thought was to take a handful of pills and never feel anything again. Thankfully I had sober second thoughts and turned to professional help for recovery and dealing with PTSD from the trauma.

In creating a self-care toolkit when life gets stressful and events are out of my control and disappointing, I reach into that toolkit and find ways to be happy and fulfilled in life.

One of the first tools I reach for is fitness. My dad first took me out jogging when I was 12. Since then, fitness has been part of my life. It wasn’t until I was dealing with workplace bullying did I realize it was helping me and my mental health in coping with the situations I had no control over in the workplace.

To this day fitness, walking, running, hiking, biking, yoga, and boot camp, for example, are a few of the first tools to help deal with the situation and navigate through uncertain times.

The one thing we have absolute complete control over and I repeat, absolute complete control over is our attitude. Our attitude has a direct impact on our happiness. If you are part of the moan-groan society then everything looks dismal and scary. If you are part of a happy society then you understand there are times when you will experience sadness, loss and trauma. However, your positive attitude will help you bounce back and be resilient in finding happiness.

My hope is that you never give up on yourself. Life is a gift and you are worth it. Seek out positive professional help if needed because we may not have the tools or ability to create that moment of change in ourselves. It takes time and patients to change any habit of thinking or behaving.

Often we are not even aware of our own self-destructive patterns of behaviour. Awareness is key to creating that positive change in yourself. It is a process a journey of understanding ourselves past and present. Our past has so much to do with how we react, behave and feel today. I know I needed help and am forever thankful for reaching out to a therapist in dealing with my own trauma to find a place of inner peace and happiness.

What makes you happy? Do you know what makes you happy?

What makes you happy?

LIFE makes me happy.

Connect