How many times have you heard someone say ‘oh I wish I would’ve done that, oh I should’ve done that, oh it’s too bad I didn’t try that’? It happens to all of us at some point in our lives. We regret things and we avoid things or people, and situations. All because we feel we don’t belong there, we don’t have the skills, or we’re just scared to try new things. Our fear keeps us stuck and paralyzed and we miss out on our own lives.

An example of this is workplace bullying and the psychological injuries we experience from bullies. Often the silence of bystanders is deafening. Every workplace is different and has its own culture. Every workplace is a living organism with people who come in and out of the workplace. Each of us has our own personalities, life experiences, our own moral and ethical beliefs, culture, religion, and life traumas.

Each of us has our own way to communicate and deal with conflicts.  I can tell you from years of experience in dealing with workplace bullying and other violence, is that most people do not like to deal with conflict and avoid it like the plague. Let’s face it, none of us like conflict. Like who does?

Personally, I love getting out of my comfort zone. I really try to expand how I view the world and myself. It is fun, exciting, and scary empowering all at the same time. The pictures are all about that, trying, meeting, and seeing new experiences, perspectives, and people!

However, avoiding dealing with workplace conflict is like ignoring a cancerous growth hoping it will go away. But it only gets bigger! Problems /bullying escalates and there’s more damage and psychological injury to victims and also to bystanders. Leaders and bullies are two things we choose to be.

Our communication and leadership style greatly affect how we respond to workplace conflicts and bullying.

We cannot ignore bullying and the impact it has on us, our families, our ability to do our work, and our relationships. It’s a slow death working with and dealing with workplace bullying if there is ineffectual leadership and no one does anything to end the violence or provide support in recovery.

I speak from experience with 20 years as an RCMP officer working with good leadership and the trauma of trying to survive the many, many poor leaders. It’s traumatizing, exhausting, and difficult to navigate through any workplace bullying and harassment when there is NO support.

Getting out of our comfort zone includes getting out of our comfort zone as victims. That can be, naturally, really terrifying. You see, we become used to being abused, ignored, and isolated, and changing any patterns of thinking/ believing is tough. It first takes awareness and self-compassion, therefore.

Finding the courage to speak up and change the course of our lives is not impossible. It’s awareness. We may not be able to change the bully or bullying organization, but we can change how we react, how we respond, and what we retain with the right tools, strategies, and support systems. This is where it’s important for management, and leadership to seek out outside resources that specialize in changing workplace culture, addressing workplace bullying and harassment, and support and recovery strategies. The Canadian Institute of Workplace Bullying Resources is one such place. If management won’t address workplace bullying and violence then it’s up to the individual to step out of their comfort zone and find the support, and tools needed to survive and thrive in the workplace, if they choose to stay.

Leaders need to understand that a good employee is like gold. Imagine all the money organizations have lost in their human resources, each of us, because of failing to end workplace bullying and harassment. Think about the #MeToo movement and the damage to business reputation because management failed to respond with allegations of sexual harassment and sexual violence in the workplace.

Getting out of our comfort zone includes understanding how Covid has kept us prisoners in our own homes. The various strains of the virus again have caused havoc in our workplaces and home life. It’s important to follow all the safety protocols, get vaccinated, keep wearing a mask in public places and use common sense. Five years from now we might be in the same place. Are you prepared to put your whole life on hold for the next five years? There is no guarantee of a tomorrow.

Awareness is the key to understanding your own comfort zone. So we can be mindful of how our fear is either keeping us, prisoners, at home or keeping us prisoners from living our best fun life. Everyone has their own comfort level and it’s not my place to judge you or anyone else. However, the purpose of this blog is for you to think about what is holding you back in life. Life begins at the end of each comfort zone. Imagine children learning to walk, falling once, and never trying again!  We would all still be crawling around on the floor.

I know that is a poor example, but my point is if we stop trying every time we are afraid or things may not work out perfectly, then we are never going to live our best lives. If we stop living our best lives because of workplace bullying then we miss out.

The photos are all from the amazing weekend. I was recently attending a Blackfoot Confederacy workplace conference in Calgary. Although I was not presenting I was involved and thoroughly enjoyed meeting an entirely new group of people, learning about the impact of historical trauma and the incredible resilience of spirit in sharing their journey of hope and healing.

In fact, getting out of our comfort zone, requires awareness, self-compassion, a willingness to succeed or fail, and to keep learning. Cause with every goodbye, with every mistake, we learn a lesson. Thus, every difficult conversation is a lesson learned. So take the lessons, not the pain in finding your own way to move forward, your own way to move out of your comfort zone and try new things to see. Appreciate and live your absolute best life today, every day.

Never give up on your life is a gift.