Are You Playing the ‘When and Then’ Game?
Are you familiar with the “when and then” game? I’m not talking about a new board game, Internet sensation, or app. I’m referring to the habit of waiting for things to be perfect before allowing yourself to be happy. Trust me, I’ve been there. For years, I was stuck in the mindset that happiness and fulfillment were just around the corner—if only certain conditions were met. They never were perfect.
Thoughts like these might sound familiar: “When I lose weight, I’ll wear yoga pants.” “When my partner/boyfriend/husband treats me better, I’ll be happy.” “When my kids grow up, I’ll go back to university.” “When people treat me better, I’ll be content.”
The reality is, that the ‘when’ may never come. I spent years waiting for my life to change, hoping someone was going to rescue me, and help me be happy, believing that only then could I find happiness, the perfect partner, the time for fun, or the chance to go back to school.
This ‘when and then’ game can dominate our lives until we recognize that these are our own choices. Often, it’s fear, insecurity, or past trauma holding us back from achieving our dreams. Many people believe they have no choice, but doing nothing is still a choice—an ineffective and disempowering one. Everyone has the power to decide when they will pursue their goals.
There are no guarantees in life. Celebrate each day as if it were your last. This isn’t meant to scare you into action but to remind you that life is a precious gift. It’s time to push through your fears and start living your best life. Amazing adventures can happen when things are not perfect.
Your dreams and success are up to you.
Waiting for perfection is futile because perfection doesn’t exist. Speaking from personal experience, I remember failing my science classes during my initial attempt at university. This failure impacted my self-esteem and discouraged me from going back to school for many years. However, deep down, I always wanted a degree in conflict resolution studies. After 25 years, I finally returned to university and achieved my goal. Ironically, it was workplace bullying within the RCMP that pushed me to pursue my degree in conflict resolution, leadership skills, management development, and communication skills. There was never going to be a perfect workplace under the bullying leadership. I had to create my success and happiness despite the violence.
Don’t live by someone else’s standards of success, beauty, or perfection. If you want to wear yoga pants, buy them. If you want to go to university, enroll. If you’re seeking a happy relationship, set clear boundaries for acceptable behavior in all your relationships, both at home and at work. Be mindful of the types of people you are attracted to and why. Develop self-care practices that make you feel good about yourself. Change your attitude and how you respond to life’s challenges. Understand how much your past influences your present and future. Sometimes, recognizing past trauma and survival behaviors can help you understand their impact on your choices, including your choice of partners. I had a history of picking married or unavailable men and once that destructive pattern was recognized it was changed.
Remember, life is too short to wait for the perfect moment. Each day is an opportunity to take a step toward your dreams. You have the power to create the life you want, starting now.
“Push through your fears and start living your best life now.”
Embrace the journey, imperfections and all, and live your best life today.
