Are your children affected by stress because of COVID?

I recently heard a parent comment on how their child ‘did not want to live in a world with Covid.’ That really was a profound statement of fear and anxiety and a cry for help.

With the 24 non-stop news cycle it can seem overwhelming of gloom doom, isolation, frustration, rules changing, and disappointments. There can be a deep fear of rejection for saying anything.

Be mindful of what your children see or hear on social media, news, and online. From the eyes of the young, things can be far more fearful than from an adult perspective.

when they are feeling overwhelmed. And If you think about it, small children often act out, have temper tantrums, or withdraw and remain silent or inattentive. As parents, you know your child. Not everyone is comfortable discussing their feelings. There is anxiety, fear of rejection, disapproval, and that is scary. Teenagers struggle with being a teenager and add COVID stress, yikes.

 We need to have those conversations about stress, anxiety, deeper emotions that are hard to express.  Often children don’t always know how to ask for help when they are feeling overwhelmed or anxious.

For some children feelings have no words, being expressive is difficult and scary, for other children feelings have many words and are easily expressed. The idea is to get to know how your child communicates, and also when they are avoiding having a conversation.   Provide ongoing support in our words,  active listening, our actions, and encourage your child to discuss with you or another trusted person about thoughts of depression and suicide. It is better to have these conversations than wish you would have. Give them the resources needed. All children need to know that you are there for them no matter what they do, think, or may feel. Try to be aware of unconscious biases on how you feel or believe feelings, emotions ‘should’ be.

Children learn early in life how to deal with the stresses of life in their own way depending on the coping skills that they’ve learned, behaviors mirrored from adults and parents in their lives.

Let’s face it, none of us come from perfect backgrounds with perfect parents or caregivers who have excellent communication, listening skills, and coping skills. If you have well lucky you. We try our best, struggle along until we learn something better and more effective. Then we can do better. Respect your child no matter what they think, feel say, or do. We all make mistakes and need support.

Respond, Respect, Reassure, Resilience.

It’s important to listen and talk with your children and let them know that feelings don’t have to make sense, they are feeling and are important. Validate their concerns. Let them know every single day that you are there for them, that things are going to get better one day, and to ask for help if they are feeling overwhelmed. Reassure them that it is okay not to be okay and lots of people are struggling with speaking up.

In the last seven months, in the eyes of the child, it seems like one disappointment after another disappointment. Isolation, lockdown, no social gatherings, no birthday parties, no fun graduations, and family holidays. It can seem an unhappy place in the world.  Having supportive people and coping skills are important for adults and especially for children.

Hope

Hope is the expectation that everything will work out and the feeling that things will be all right. Right now, many people may be feeling discouraged, hopeless or angry. Adults and students may be feeling a great sense of loss for activities that will not be taking place as usual.

We cannot erase the trauma many children have experienced in their life or the trauma of what is happening today and the many unknowns of COVID. Be attentive and aware of your own stress levels as well.

Mental health for your child

You can support your child’s mental health by:

• encouraging positive behaviors, as children are more likely to listen if they’re given positive instructions and are praised for their efforts
• listening to their concerns, then:
  • being honest, open, and supportive
  • acknowledging and validating their thoughts and feelings
  • correcting misinformation clearly in a reassuring and age-appropriate way
  • asking how they’re feeling and letting them know you’re there for them
• limiting how often they watch or hear the news, if appropriate
• encouraging them to:
  • think of the positive things that happen each day
  • do things they enjoy, start a hobby, or learn a new skill
  • talk to a trusted adult and ask for help if emotions become overwhelming
• explaining health and safety measures and how they’re keeping us safe
• spending quality one-on-one time with each child and taking part in their preferred activities
  • one-on-one time makes children feel loved and secure and shows them that they’re important
  • playing and engaging with your children helps them learn, express their feelings and build self-confidence
  • if you’re not in quarantine or isolation, get fresh air while keeping a distance of at least 2 meters from other people
• working together to create a consistent but flexible daily routine
  • asking your children for input allows them to make decisions and builds their confidence
  • setting up a schedule that includes structured activities, physical activity, as well as free time helps children feel more secure

The following resources can be shared with your child:

• Kids Help Phone is available 24 hours a day for young Canadians (aged 5 to 29)

  • this service provides confidential and anonymous care from professional counselors

  • call 1-800-668-6868 (toll-free) or text CONNECT to 686868

Personally, I have many excellent self-care coping skills and yet had my own Covid meltdown. Acknowledging it, recognizing and taking responsibility for our behavior is important and empowering. For me to release some of that anxiety, negative energy, and stress,  I jumped on the bike for a good work out. A positive distraction (self-care tool/strategy) can be of benefit to all of us. Was I still frustrated about the Covid situation? Yes. However, after self-care/fitness, I had a much different more positive perspective on life. This is called resilience.  Are all children resilient? No. We cannot say all children are resilient because they are all beautifully different and with unique self-expression and communication styles. Even in the same family, each child reacts differently to stress. Children may need help to find how to be resilient and positive.