Learn to have an attitude of gratitude.
Can I learn, can I change my attitude to a more positive perspective in life?
Absolutely yes you can. It takes practice, takes self-compassion but most importantly takes self-awareness. Switching that negative talk in your head, the negative language that we shame ourselves, belittle or scold ourselves, to a more positive, forgiving, encouraging, empowering voice.
From the book by Dr. Susan Jeffers, ‘Feel the Fear and do it Anyway’
I read this book years ago and found it incredibly powerful, insightful, easy to understand and implement in my own life dealing with workplace bullying, sexual harassment and stress. Often when we are being bullied at home or in the workplace we begin to self-doubt and start down that path of negative thinking, shaming ourselves for not being ‘tough enough’. For not being smart enough not being talented enough. You can see how this is not empowering or effective. We have a choice, every situation and challenge in how we respond. Learning new ideas and trying out new ways of reframing the negative inner voice was amazing. Yes, it took time but wow, what a difference. It was like having my own cheering squad propelling me forward.
It didn’t change my surroundings it gave me the power to know that I can change how I react, how I respond and what I retain in dealing with the bullies and violence in the workplace. Even to this day, I have to catch myself from sinking into old negative thought patterns, resisting those unpleasant ‘sticky’ thoughts.
A sticky though is when we have an unhappy memory and instead of pushing it aside and dealing with it, we remain stuck and the trauma associated with that sticky thought begins to grow and grow and it can feel paralyzing and fearful. For example, one of my sticky thoughts is about workplace bullying and reflecting on what ‘I should have done like this helps me today eh? Another one was a betrayal, a personal betrayal by a friend who refused to respect our boundaries as a couple and thought it was okay, not okay. People who do not respect your boundaries usually don’t have boundaries. So we can get these random sticky thoughts that affect us today. Changing our attitude helps put these in perspective and the processing to acceptance and letting go.
I really like her format from “pain to power” from her book ‘Feel the Fear and do it Anyway’. It really is mostly about awareness, recognizing our negative thought/thinking patterns that aren’t working to switching the mindset. If we cannot see our own patterns of negative thinking then changing is going to be a challenge but not impossible. It takes practice.
“Pain-to-power-vocabulary
Pain to power
I can’t ——– I won’t
I should ——- I could
It’s not my fault ——I’m totally responsible
It’s a problem ——it’s an opportunity
I’m never satisfied —— I want to learn and grow
Life’s a struggle —— Life’s an adventure
I hope —– I know
If only—– next time
What will I do? —– I know I can handle it
It’s terrible—– it’s a learning experience”
As you can read, it has so much to do with the self language and our inner voice, the negative voice or “Chatterbox”. If you could learn to trust yourself, believing that no matter what happens in life, you will survive, you can handle any life event. That trust in yourself takes away the intense fear we have living every day. For example, the fear of death and being alone, what happens if my husband leaves me, what happens if my partner dies, what happens if I fail my exam, What happens if I don’t get into the university I want, what happens if I’m in a car accident, what happens if I don’t have enough money? These are questions and negative messages that keep us in fear and self-doubt.
Fear keeps a stuck, keeps us paralyzed keeps us voiceless. Taking control of our attitude and switching the negative to a positive and trusting in ourselves is an amazing empowerment journey.
Think about different ways that you can take care of your attitude for your mind, your body, your emotions, and
your spirit.
From the book by Dr. Susan Jeffers
Seven ways to Reclaim Your Power
1 Avoid casting blame on an external force for your bad feelings about life. Nothing outside yourself can control your thinking or your actions.
2 Avoid blaming yourself for not being in control. You are doing the best you can and you are on the way to reclaiming your power.
3 Be aware of when and where you are playing the victim role. Learn the clues that tell you that you are not being responsible for what you are being, having, doing or feeling.
4 Familiarize yourself with your biggest enemy– your Chatter box. Use the exercise throughout this book to replace it with a loving internal friend.
5 Figure out the payoffs that keep you “stuck.” Paradoxically, once you find them, you will probably be able to quickly to become “unstuck”.
6 Determine what you want in life and act on it. Stop waiting for someone to give it to you. You ‘ll be waiting a long time.
7 Be aware of the many choice you have — in both actions and feelings– in any situation that comes your way. Choose the path that contributes to your growth and makes you feel at peach with yourself and others.
Be patient with yourself on your journey of self-discovery. Rome wasn’t built in a day, we didn’t get to space in one day, we cannot change ourselves in one day. If you think about it, up to this point, your entire life got you to where you are today therefore it will take time awareness self-compassion and patience to change any patterns of thinking, behaving, and living. People may not like the new attitude. Any time we are changing a pattern in life often there is resistance from those around us. That is okay. Stay on your own path.
I love life and there was a point when I didn’t, it was a dark time of despair, misery being stuck feeling powerless and dreadfully unhappy. It was an active choice, a lot of work, a lot of back steps to move forward, facing my past to move forward, and that journey has been worth it. You are worth it, you deserve to be happy successful and safe in your life. If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
Maya Angelou quotes (a lovely inspirational role model):
If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.
We may not be able to change our surroundings but we can certainly adjust our attitude take control of our own emotions for happiness and success today and every day. It’s never too late to try something new. Get out of your old comfort zone of negative to a more attitude of gratitude. You are worth it.
