Boundaries.

Boundaries in our personal and professional life are a must.

If there is one thing 20 years of workplace bullying and sexual harassment has taught me, is the importance of, the must have in our lives, is having boundaries. Most of us struggle with this in life. Speaking up is part of creating boundaries.

In my Ted Talk 2015, ‘Tools to survive workplace bullying’,

I stress on the importance and value of documenting the workplace violence, creating a self-care tool kit among other strategies for happiness.  However, in hindsight, what I learned later in life, which is also a tool for self-care, is the importance of developing boundaries, the power of our voice.

 

Boundaries or behaviours that you accept in your personal and professional life,

and boundaries you will not accept or tolerate in your personal and professional life.  This looks and feels different for each of you. Would you accept other people touching or flirting with your partner?  Yes? No? Some folks think it is fine while others do not.  Would you accept your boss yelling and screaming, name calling at you or a co-worker? Some folks would excuse the behaviour while others are devastated.

Clearly yelling in the workplace or at home destroys trust and creates an unhealthy environment.

Some folks think this is fine as a motivator for people or staff. No it is not. Think of boundaries.

It has taken a long time for ‘boundaries’ to become part of my everyday life.

And I know exactly how I feel when someone crosses the line either verbally or physically, in cyberspace, social media and email.

As a professional educator/consultant, I am often in the public arena

as an analyst for various government, radio and television media agencies as well as my own online presence.  I value my personal and private space including personal safety.

As women, do you ever feel that you have to respond to emails? Have to answer that phone call? Have to set up a business meeting when you feel unsafe or question the persons motives? Boundaries.

This is where having boundaries come in to play in recognizing we can say ‘no thank you’. We do not have to serve everyone or be at anyone’s ‘beck and call’. We can detach from upsetting emails to avoid getting caught up in dealing with unhealthy clients who do not respect our boundaries. Yes, we can say ‘no thank you’.  This is incredibly empowering.

It is the power of your voice

saying yes and no.

Boundaries are important in your personal and professional life today and every day. Only you can define what behaviours you want to accept, the kind of people you want in your life and setting boundaries on time spent with everyone. Only you can decide what kind of people and clients you want in your business life, the emails you plan to address and the environment you want to work in.  For example, I turn off technology on Friday afternoon and respond to emails on Monday morning. If I make the choice to work on the weekend  it is my choice. That is empowering.  Establish your own in order to spend quality time with yourself, family and friends.

Is it really that easy? No, it is not. It took me a while to figure this out, in fact many years to determine what kind of boundaries worked best.  It was like a pendulum, trying to determine the fit. And of course we can change over time and in life.

Was there a backlash? Yes people who have no boundaries referred to boundaries as ‘selfish’ ‘bitch’ ‘no sense of humour’.  Recently there was a friend who stepped way over that line.  Looking for a teaching moment I tried to speak about the behaviours. She refused to be open to a conversation about boundaries, and today is no longer in our lives. For me it’s important to explain the value of boundaries to people who don’t understand the purpose of boundaries. You see the people who cross your boundaries don’t have any.

As always there could be teaching moments. However that’s not your job to change anybody who doesn’t value the importance of boundaries in their personal  and professional life. That’s their job. Sometimes we have to let go of the people, clients, business opportunities, that do not respect our boundaries.

The value of your voice, the power of your voice, boundaries!

Think, and ask yourself about the kind of boundaries you want in your life?