Bullying in schools is traumatic and can leave deep emotional and physical scars. Bullying damages our self esteem which can set up a lifetime pattern of low self worth which results in low success in school, career choices, work performance, promotion opportunities and relationships. Teachers are to protect our children from the bullying environment. To enforce respectful policies. However, if the teacher is a bully then the message is clear to others that this is allowed. If the education system cannot stop the violence then what happens? Covert bullying is difficult to define, the social alienation, isolation can be devastating to young people. From the book FIND YOUR VOICE – surviving workplace conflict, “A bully counts on you feeling isolated and powerless, voiceless and silent.”
The article is about a young student who is suing the Evergreen School Division in Gimli Manitoba for failing to address, protect and stop bullying that he suffered during high school. No supports and no plans to keep him safe. Surviving is not how children learn. The ripple effect of bullying seeps into all aspects of the victims life. Filing a lawsuit is sometimes the last resort for victims. He is not alone, two other lawsuits were filed for bullying by Gimli students.
I can remember when my daughter was 6 years old. She loved school and was enthusiastic everyday. One morning she was slow to get up, slow to get dressed, slow to eat breakfast. I on the other hand was rushed to get up, rushed to get dressed, rushed to eat, rushed to get her to school then head to work as a RCMP officer. On this particular day I noticed her reluctance to get into the car, her head hanging down like she was going to the gallows. Perhaps that is what if felt like.
Feeling impatient asked ‘what is wrong?’ Her reply stopped me in my tracks. ” I hate school! I never want to go back. ” I knew with that comment there was a serious problem. Suddenly, the rushed and impatient feelings were gone and the concern was now finding out the problem. Giving her a hug and comfort slowly got to the real issue. Poor little kid began to cry and explained that there was a big boy at school who had been mean, called her ugly, pulled her scarf several times and the day before she choked as he yanked pulling her head back. She was scared of him. She had spoken several times to the teachers and nothing stopped the bully. The boy was in grade 2 and apparently picked on my daughter and her friend. She did not want me to get involved for fear of this boy becoming more angry.
I kept her home that day and we enjoyed having fun, playing and re-enforced that she is beautiful and loved. I reminded her that sometimes when I give people tickets or take them to jail I am also called bad names. I asked her if this was true of me. She was astounded people would say bad words about her mommy.
The next day the slowness resumed and it took some smooth talking to get her ready for school. Once at school, she stiffened while sitting in the car, whispering and pointing out the window at the bully. I asked his name and promised I would not do anything that would cause her more distress. We hugged and away my dear little girl went into the school yard.
I sat for several minutes watching her run up to her little friend and both ran to the swing set. In my sights was the bully and the internal desire to protect my daughter. I had been bullied at work and know how devastating it can be on victims. I also knew how the teachers did nothing to stop this kid from scarf pulling on previous occasions. My worry was her being choked and injured.
Suddenly I was out of the car and walked up to the bullying boy. He stopped in his tracks as a uniformed police officer approached, unsmiling, wearing dark sun glasses, addressing him in a formal voice by name. “Are you —-?”
I explained that there was a problem in the schoolyard with bullying. I knew he was being mean to the little kids, saying bad things, pulling hair, yanking on their scarves and he needs to stop or I will talk to the teacher, who will talk to the Principal who will talk to his parents. His mouth dropped open when I pointed out my daughter and her friend and the scarf incident. I suggested he not bother anyone again and play nice. He quietly agreed, nodding his head. I smiled and thanked him for making the choice to be nice.
Later that night, I asked about the scarf pulling. My daughter smiled a big smile and happily stated he was not bothering them and in fact made a point of avoiding them in the schoolyard. This boy never bothered her again. It was years later that the true story was revealed. Did I do the right thing by speaking to the bully? Absolutely and I would have happily spoken to the parents if needed. By doing nothing about the bullying allows the violence to continue and escalate and allows further trauma to the victims. If the policies in place are not working and our children are being bullied then perhaps a more creative means of addressing the issues improvements in the current systems are needed.
Manitoba family suing school division over handling of bullying speaks out