It took 5 years to write FIND YOUR VOICE, about how I managed to deal with years of workplace conflict, gender harassment and bullying in the RCMP. Why did I write it? Well, after some serious soul searching, I realized that having survived and writing about my career with WOMEN NOT WANTED, it was important to help show how.
At first, I focused on helping those in the RCMP, to encourage others to speak up and perhaps provide education for management on what is happening to there officers when no one is listening or addressing the problems. Then I realize that this book and the tools and strategies I created in order to find strength just to go to work every day, come home and yet still feel good about myself, would benefit anyone.
These ‘tools’, I call ‘self-care toolkit’, can apply to anybody in their personal and professional lives. For example, one of the first things I did was paint my nails every Thursday night. A little gesture, inexpensive, made me feel good about me, which was enough to find the courage to face another week of abuse. The idea is to create your own took kit that fits with who you are, your personality, what you like, what makes you feel good, what makes you feel happy and what makes you feel at peace. The only thing we have complete control over is how we react, our attitude.
I realized I could not change the bullies or the bullying organization but what I could do was change how I viewed the situation, how I valued me, and using different language and listening skills. The most important lesson was learning to detach from their abusive behavior. Like any new pattern of behaviour there is a learning curve and sometimes I fell back into old negative thinking, but slowly these triggers became less intense. Am I still over it? I look at life this way, our scars remind us where we have been but not define our future. Am I the same person before the trauma? No will never be that person. Finding an acceptance of who I am today has been an active choice. A positive attitude gives us resilience in life and by focusing on the positive I am thankful for the journey. By writing FIND YOUR VOICE, the goal is to give hope.
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