How can I get unstuck in my toxic relationships?

Breaking Free: How We Get Stuck in Toxic Relationships and Why Boundaries Are Essential for Mental Health and Safety

It’s easy to get caught in toxic relationships—whether with family, friends, co-workers, or intimate partners—because these dynamics often build slowly over time. We may start by overlooking small issues, excusing someone’s harmful behavior, or assuming things will get better. However, over time, these unhealthy patterns can take

a toll on our mental health, emotional well-being, and even our physical safety. Recognizing our patterns of behaviour is a start. Let’s explore why we find ourselves in these toxic cycles and how setting clear boundaries can be our lifeline.

Silence keeps us stuck. Any one can be a victim of domestic violence. See the signs, recognize the danger, speak up and get out.

1. Why We Get Stuck

We go by what we know in our life. Our past has an impact on our today. Toxic relationships don’t start as obviously harmful. We get conned into believing someone is ‘nice’ or ‘sweet’ or ‘attentive’. They often involve subtle manipulation, guilt-tripping, or emotional dependency that can blind us to the reality of the situation. Common reasons we get stuck include:

Familiarity: Sometimes, a toxic relationship feels “normal” because it’s what we’re used to—especially in families where dysfunction is passed down through generations. We can keep repeating the same pattern if we are not aware of why.
Fear of Conflict: Many of us avoid confrontation to keep the peace, thinking that speaking up will make things worse. You have every right to speak up in your relationship.
Hope for Change: We often hold onto the hope that the person will change, investing emotional energy into the possibility of things improving. Love will not change a violent or controlling person, it always escalates.
Low Self-Worth: When we don’t value ourselves, we can convince ourselves that we deserve poor treatment or are not worthy of better relationships. If we feel we don’t deserve a loving relationship we keep picking the toxic/absent/violent ones.
Codependency: In both personal and professional relationships, codependency can trap us in cycles where we feel responsible for the other person’s happiness or well-being, making it difficult to walk away.

2. The Consequences of Staying in Toxic Relationships

Staying in a toxic relationship can have far-reaching effects, including:

Emotional Drainage: Constantly navigating conflict, manipulation, or mistreatment can leave you emotionally exhausted.
Mental Health Decline: Toxic relationships can contribute to anxiety, depression, or emotional dysregulation, making it harder to cope with daily life.
Physical Health: Chronic stress from toxic environments can manifest in physical symptoms like headaches, insomnia, and even cardiovascular issues.
Isolation: Often, toxic people try to isolate you from others, making it harder to see the relationship for what it is or to seek support. They try to separate you from all your strong people. Then you feel alone in the abuse like somehow it is your fault. Friends and family would be a strong support but a violent person wants you alone.

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3. Setting Boundaries: A Lifesaving Strategy

My second favorite word is boundaries. The key to protecting your mental health and breaking free from toxic relationships is setting clear, firm boundaries. Here’s why boundaries are essential and how to set them:

Boundaries Define Respect: By setting boundaries, you communicate what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. It creates a clear expectation of respect and fairness. People who don’t respect boundaries usually don’t have any.
Protect Your Energy: Boundaries help protect your emotional and mental energy, allowing you to focus on self-care rather than constantly managing someone else’s toxic behavior. Abuse wears us down.
Promote Self-Worth: Enforcing boundaries is an act of self-respect. It reminds you and the other person that your needs matter and that you deserve healthy, fulfilling relationships. We need to know that we deserve a violent-free, healthy, loving relationship.
Prevent Burnout: Particularly in workplace or co-worker relationships, setting professional boundaries can prevent burnout by ensuring you’re not overextending yourself or taking on unfair workloads.

4. How to Set Boundaries in Toxic Relationships

Often we need some help from a professional to learn about our past and learn to set boundaries. Setting boundaries is challenging, especially if you’ve been in a toxic dynamic for a long time. Here are some steps to help you begin:

Identify Your Limits: Reflect on what behaviors are crossing your personal, emotional, or physical boundaries. What’s causing you discomfort or stress? What makes you stressed?
Communicate Clearly: Be direct and assertive when you communicate your boundaries. You don’t need to justify or explain yourself—simply state your needs.
Stay Consistent: Toxic people will often test your boundaries. Be firm in reinforcing them, even if it feels uncomfortable at first. This can be difficult especially when people are used to you behaving in a certain way. Speaking up can feel scary at first.
Seek Support: If you’re struggling to set or maintain boundaries, don’t be afraid to seek help from a therapist, counselor, or trusted friends who can provide perspective and support.
Prepare for Pushback: People who benefit from your lack of boundaries may resist or push back when you start setting them. This is normal but doesn’t mean you should back down. It takes time for people to realize your new boundaries.

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5. Why Boundaries Are Non-Negotiable

Boundaries are essential for maintaining your mental health, self-worth, and overall well-being. Without them, toxic relationships will continue to erode your sense of self and leave you vulnerable to further harm. Setting boundaries may feel uncomfortable at first, but it’s a vital skill for protecting yourself and creating healthier relationships moving forward.

Toxic relationships, whether with family, friends, co-workers, or intimate partners, can trap us in cycles of pain and emotional exhaustion. Breaking free from these cycles requires recognizing the patterns, setting strong boundaries, and understanding that your well-being matters more than pleasing others. Boundaries are not acts of selfishness—they are acts of self-care and respect that safeguard your mental health and foster healthier, more fulfilling connections. Our boundaries may change over time and that is fine. Setting boundaries is about keeping you feel safe, heard, valued and respected.