Panic attacks feel different for each of us, terrifying and debilitating.
It’s not easy to deal with workplace bullying. Quite often we deny the reality of the impact it has on us. I know speaking from experience, that’s what I did. I couldn’t believe, it was impossible to accept, that the organization I worked for the RCMP, recognized around the world, could have bullying leadership, allow often encourages bullying, misogyny, homophobia, and racism in the workplace. This blog is about my experience with the idea of providing awareness and hope.
‘The Other”
Targets for bullying were anyone who was considered ‘the other’, different gender, skin colour, or race, those who didn’t go along to get along, and those who weren’t part of the group of bullying were targets.
Personally, although there was incredible pressure to be part of the bullying group and it came at a cost, it was worth valuing honesty, self-respect and integrity. Very proud to say that I was never part of this toxic group of bullying. It would probably have been easier for me to go along with ‘the group’ but lose my soul in the process. I was never a follower. Remaining in fear came at a cost. Not speaking up had a tremendous impact on my emotional and physical health. It’s a slippery slope in trying to navigate workplace, bullying, sexual harassment, assault, and other violence alone. We want to belong. No one is invincible!
The emotional trauma/triggers never stop at the parking lot or when you hang up your gun belt, nurses uniform, in teaching etc. but ripple into all aspects of your life both personal and professional. Workplace bullying is a slow and painful death.
Even if you are removed from the workplace, the toxic environment, the triggers, and the trauma responses can last a long time sometimes a lifetime.
It’s important to recognize a panic attack. In many ways, it has symptoms like a heart attack and we want to make sure it is not. Get checked out by a professional to be on the safe side, and maintain good eating and sleep patterns. Seek out professional mental health to help with the panic attacks. From my experience, not all doctors understand the trauma of workplace bullying and how panic attacks can feel. However, it is good to have that conversation and decide together if medication is needed. Again, people will have a variety of different symptoms and reactions. One of them for me was a tightness in my chest, tunnel vision, couldn’t catch my breath, hyperventilating and I thought I was going to die. Intense need to flee the situation. It took time with the help of a therapist, learning self-care and coping skills to manage the beginning of a panic attack and to control those overreactions. One step at a time.
For example, first recognizing the physiological responses at the beginning of a panic attack. If I had to go to the detachment to receive documents or go to the mail seeing a brown envelope ( no matter who sent it was a huge trigger for years), I would have to do deep breathing, meditation, and sometimes where my sunglasses to prevent people from looking at my panicked face. This took time, self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-care tools. Pretending I was fine wasn’t working. Pretending I was fine made things even worse emotionally.
Eventually, I could walk into the post office, I could walk past the police station, could see a police car, and not fall apart in a panic attack.
Being diagnosed with PTSD and major depressive disorder from workplace bullying has changed my life forever. I can never be the person I was 20 years ago. It’s important to recognize that we cannot go back and change the events that have harmed and hurt us physically, and emotionally. It is a choice to move forward and take the lessons, not the pain, share those lessons, so others don’t have to suffer and most importantly, be proud, that we survived, and are now thriving in life. In a strange, twisted way I feel thankful for the events that challenged me the most because they have created the most brave, strong and best parts of me. Looking back on my career and life today, would not change a thing. Yes of course there are a few events that I wish never happened, but they did, choosing to learn lessons, reduces their impact and hold on my soul. Again this takes practice and sometimes professional assistance.
The reason why I speak up about workplace, bullying, sexual assault, and conflicts is to be part of the conversation and education, leadership development, encourage others to speak up and not feel alone, and address the importance of everyone having their self-care, tools, (medication and /or therapy) and strategies for good physical and mental health today and every day.
Panic attacks do not have to ruin or run your life. Seek out professional help if needed. Practice deep breathing, meditation and self-awareness.
From the article in Psychology Today: PANIC ATTACK
Symptoms (every one is different and suffers varying degrees)
The physical symptoms of a panic attack can include:
- Fast breathing
- Shortness of breath
- Severe perspiration
- Trembling
- Nausea
- Cramping
- Dizziness, feeling faint
- Numbness or tingling
- Chills or sensations of heat, hot flashes
- Tightness in the chest, throat
- Increased heart rate
- Disconnection from oneself
- Loss of control
- Imminent danger
- A strong desire to flee or avoid the situation
These symptoms, which often resemble the symptoms of a heart attack or respiratory disorder, may be accompanied by a fear of dying. The onset of symptoms is sudden and can develop from either a calm or anxious state. Some people experience limited-symptom panic attacks, which consist of less than four of the common symptoms listed above. Panic attacks last from about five to 20 minutes, generally peaking within 10 minutes. A panic attack can occur several times within the span of a few hours and, for some people, every day or once a week. Those who have frequent panic attacks often come to recognize the situations that trigger an attack and learn to be prepared.
We cannot change our past and we do not have to remain a prisoner to the pain, trauma, and triggers. Learn your way to move forward that fits with you. We are all beautifully unique and deserve freedom from the past.
If anything keep moving forward to happiness and success. Life is a gift and so are you.