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How to cope with your business as you grieve!

How do we navigate our business while dealing with grief?

Dealing with grief in our workplace, either in a huge organization or a smaller company, affects our business.

None of us is invincible. At some point in our life, we will all experience grief. Death, accidents, illness, depression, loss of mobility, retirement and other events in life can cause us to feel grief.

From the MayoCLinic:

What is grief?

Grief is a strong, sometimes overwhelming emotion for people, regardless of whether their sadness stems from the loss of a loved one or from a terminal diagnosis they or someone they love have received.

They might find themselves feeling numb and removed from daily life, unable to carry on with regular duties while saddled with their sense of loss.

Grief is the natural reaction to loss. Grief is both a universal and a personal experience. Individual experiences of grief vary and are influenced by the nature of the loss. Some examples of loss include the death of a loved one, the ending of an important relationship, job loss, loss through theft or the loss of independence through disability.

We are all incredibly unique, coming from our own families, religious practices, cultural beliefs systems, life experiences, role models, morals and ethical beliefs, personalities and everything else that makes us unique.

With this uniqueness,  comes the unique way we individually grieve the loss. It is unfair and unwarranted to judge someone else as they grieve the sudden loss of a partner, family member,  friend, a dear family pet, their job, retirement, illness, mobility, anything where we experience profound sadness, loss and grief.

Experts advise those grieving to realize they can’t control the process and to prepare for varying stages of grief. Understanding why they’re suffering can help, as can talking to others and trying to resolve issues that cause significant emotional pain, such as feeling guilty for a loved one’s death.

Mourning can last for months or years. Generally, pain is tempered as time passes and as the bereaved adapts to life without a loved one, to the news of a terminal diagnosis or to the realization that someone they love may die.

If you’re uncertain about whether your grieving process is normal, consult your health care professional. Outside help is sometimes beneficial to people trying to recover and adjust to a death or diagnosis of a terminal illness.

 

Like I said grief is an individual journey, there is no one size fits all as we navigate the pain of our loss.
This of course has a direct impact on our business as entrepreneurs.
Speaking from my own experience and the recent loss of my father, my mind was completely blank of interest, motivation to work on my business. It was only fair to cancel (any in-person, zoom, phone) appointments because my mind was OTS, out there somewhere and not actively focussed on my clients or my business.
During the first few days and trying to understand my grief, I have no idea and no expectations of how long it would take. We must permit ourselves to feel those many emotions as we navigate the journey of grief. There is no set time limit when we will feel fine. A loss is a loss, it doesn’t matter who you are, your age,  how much money you have, the car you drive …grief is grief.

It’s really important to allow yourself to grieve. Be mindful of your emotions and reach out for positive support if needed as you grieve.

During this time our business takes a backseat, my business took a backseat,  because if we ignore our grief and stuff our emotions deep inside, our body will start to speak to us at some point with spontaneous anger, illness,  resentment or unhealthy behaviours.

 

How to Cope with Your Job when you are Grieving a Death. This article has a few suggestions to help communicate your loss to staff and co-workers. Remember most folks are uncomfortable with death.

The truth is that most companies and businesses handle the reality of death just as poorly and awkwardly as most people do when someone dies, regardless of whether that loss involves an employee or an employee’s loved one. Death makes us uncomfortable and often leaves us tongue-tied and at a loss for words, which is why we usually resort to death-denying euphemisms, saying the wrong thing or (worse) saying nothing at all.

I wanted to embrace my grief, sit in the sadness and get all prune-like one would sit in the water too long. Eventually finding the way out. It was and is a tough road. During the few weeks, I focussed on self-care, crying when I felt like it, laughing when I felt like it and crying again when I felt like it. Focussing on the beautiful memories, letting go the regrets or mistakes, and seeing the gifts of these experiences as part of the journey through grief.

At first, I was worried that I would never get motivated again to work on my business and soon realized that I needed to pivot from my current path and change up some strategies using my grief to help others.
These new insights came as a result of dealing with grief and focussing on my own emotional needs that reflect in my business. Being aware of triggers and knowing when to set boundaries on what I share and with whom! Very important.   Learning to forgive not only myself but others for not being able to give the support needed. We are all doing our best and death is an untouchable topic. Navigating through grief, this experience has made me a better therapeutic professional.

Death creates an immense and immediate void in our lives that instantly shatters our sense of comfort, joy, and happiness. Regardless of our relationship to the deceased—whether parent or child, sibling or spouse, friend or family member—we never truly “get over” the grief caused by the death of a loved one, and certainly not before the end of the inadequate funeral- or bereavement leave periods businesses usually offer employees.

It’s OK to take the time needed as business entrepreneurs on your journey of grief. The setting of your boundaries on the people you ask for support or share your pain. It’s important to remember that not everyone knows how to deal with grief, with themselves or others.

Businesses can wait for your emotional stability cannot wait. A few years ago my Auntie who was 101 died an hour before I was to do this big presentation. I thought ‘what am I going to do?’ I can’t go and cry, it was an intentional emotional decision to ‘park my pain’. In other words, yes I felt overwhelmed with sadness and put that pain on the ‘shelf’ with the self promise to deal with the sadness once I was done the presentation. Thankfully the speech was wonderful the audience was very pleased and no one knew because I chose, not to share it. That is a choice. Once I got home it was a waterfall. Eventually finding the way through the grief took time.

Accept that at the moment you are not your ‘normal self. That is okay and that is normal as we deal with grief and loss.

Right now, while you’re grieving, you should avoid making any major life decisions, such as quitting your job and finding someplace else to work. Moreover, you should understand and accept that the invisible weight of your grief will affect your job performance or satisfaction for a while once you return to work.

You are simply not your usual self during this time, so instead of denying it, you should forgive yourself when you fail to act or perform as you hope you would in the workplace.

SAMHSA National Helpline. 1-800-662-HELP (4357)

Operated 24/7, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) National Helpline

Often death is an uncomfortable conversation and people rush to make you ‘feel better or ‘help you get over it.’  That is neither helpful nor beneficial to the person dealing with the loss.  With a profound loss, there is no getting over, there is only a ‘new normal’ and that my friends takes time and is an individual journey.

From the article CAMH  Loss, Grief and Healing;

Grief is a normal and natural process after a loss, but can be very painful to work through.

The way we express grief outwardly is called mourning. Mourning can take many forms, depending on the person and even varying among different cultures. Common forms of mourning include crying, and expressing grief through art or writing, or through rituals and religious practices such as prayer.

Grief and mourning can be expressed individually, as a family, and even as a community. How long someone grieves may vary depending on the person’s relationship to their loss.

Resources for additional support

 

Reach out for help. Grief looks and feels different for each of us. It is not my place to say when is enough time! No one can say time to get back to work until you feel ready. Your business will do better if you are taking care of yourself, your mind, body, spirit and emotions. Grief upsets the apple cart of life and this is when you take time to heal.  I encourage you to take the time needed on the journey of grief, you are not alone, self-care, self-compassion, spend time with positive supportive folks, believe you can do it and seek out professional help if needed. Sometimes we need ‘non-family to talk with if we are lost in the abyss of emotional pain. No one can make you happy that is up to you. Remember to nurture that wounded soul on the journey through grief.

How to support those who are grieving?

Looks and feels different for everyone. Ask the person what they need. Do not assume you know because really we don’t until they tell us.  Be respectful and patient. Dinner with grief and Empathy is one way to show compassion. Offering support and asking what they need, not what you think they need. Big difference. Dr. Aylia Mohammadi ‘s TEDx Talk about dealing with grief has many great ideas.

Today I allow the silent waves of grief to flow over me, sometimes a gentle ripple of sadness with tiny tears of reflection and other days the waves of sadness seem to knock me flat on the shore of despair and it is a struggle to get out, but we make it out, we do make it through. Feelings are feelings they don’t have to make sense but they are your feelings and therefore matter!

Never give up.

Connect

Email: info@sherrybensonpodolchuk.com