Taking responsibility, and taking charge of your own happiness will look and feel different for each of us.
How do you take charge of your life?
How can ‘I‘ take charge of my life?
What does that look and feel like?
Quite often on the journey of life, we ask ourselves ‘how can I take charge of my life?’ And quite often at any stage during our lives, we may be lost, confused, stuck, and wondering how do I move forward?
That’s normal we all go through that at some point along the cobblestones of life. Trauma, our past pain, triggers, family experiences, and our map of reality, all have an impact on how we take responsibility for our lives. We may not have the best role models of what adult food looks like, or what taking responsibility for your life looks and feels like because we didn’t have that in our childhood.
This of course will look and feel different for everyone because we are all beautifully unique.
Taking Responsability
Taking responsibility means first being mindful, and aware that we have control over our lives. Not so much as children but certainly as adults. It’s important to remember that we are not responsible for what happens to us as children because we are vulnerable, often powerless, innocent, and may not have the right skills or positive support in our lives, but that doesn’t mean we have to repeat the same patterns, that doesn’t mean we have to allow our past to define us today and in our tomorrows. Now that’s empowering knowing that we have the power to change our future and not repeat the mistakes of the past. It starts with awareness and a willingness and this requires EFFORT.
“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” – Dalai Lama
The good news is we don’t have to stay stuck, confused or traumatized by our past pain.
Moving forward is part of the journey.
Speaking from experience I can remember the pivotal moment when I began to realize, that it was up to me to create a change and take responsibility for my own success and happiness in life. It was scary at first getting out of the comfort zone of being a victim of workplace bullying, and many unhealthy relationships, and yet the decision was incredibly worth it.
Living with and working in a bullying/violent environment is emotionally and physically destructive and quite often it’s difficult to break that negative self-blame mindset. Years of workplace bullying, sexual harassment, and violence took their toll and I realized how unhappy I was with my personal and professional life. The violence had become normalized, no one was helping end the bullying and at one point truly believed in this self-doubt and negative thinking, (that there must be something wrong with me). It was an awful place to be as a mother and in my work.
This was not something I wanted to continue and have my daughter mirror in her life. Interestingly, there were times when it was easy to slip back into the blame game, however, once you have gone for therapy we can no longer pretend life is ‘fine’. We see and feel when we are off course from our true authentic selves and we see the red flags in relationships.
It took courage and I reached out for professional, positive help.
Best decision of my life. Upon speaking with a therapist, the journey of recovering from the trauma began in small steps, small stages of change. Remember the only person you can change is you, and the only person you can make happy is you. To me, I find that empowering and hopeful. It’s exciting to know that once you get out of your comfort zone you’re in a new comfort zone and the idea is to keep expanding over your entire life. That is part of taking responsibility for your life. Take responsibility for your own happiness by learning to like who you are today, not shaming yourself for the past, and not living in fear of the future.
Taking responsibility also means being accountable for your behavior, what you think, say, do, and how you react in all situations with everything in life. Again that is empowering. It can be easy to blame others. The first step is awareness and then the willingness to be responsible and mindful as you navigate your own beautiful life. It was easy to blame those who bullied me for the choices that were self-destructive.
This was not the best way to create positive changes. I could not control the bullies it was learning to understand I had complete control over my attitude. Changing how to respond, how to react, and what I retain. We cannot change or deny the past what we can do is take the lessons and not the pain to move forward to success and happiness. It is a choice.
Creating your own self-care tools
It’s important to be aware that taking responsibility for your life and taking charge of your life is knowing how to make yourself happy. Creating your own self-care tools and strategies for good physical and mental health and setting boundaries in both our personal and professional lives is truly empowering. Everyone is beautiful and unique so that means each of us will have our own self-care tools and strategies that look different from yours. That’s OK.
“People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they’re not on your road doesn’t mean they’ve gotten lost.” – Dalai Lama
As we learn to take responsibility for our lives and take charge of the direction we are going there will be times when we are falling back into old patterns of thinking and behaving. That’s OK the idea is to be aware and mindful that you have the power to correct any missed step. Being accountable and responsible is a lifelong journey each of us deserves to take in finding that place of inner peace, happiness, and success at home and in the workplace.
It takes practice
Anytime we are on a journey of transition it takes practice, self-compassion, and more practice and more self-compassion until our minds have adjusted to the new way of thinking, a new positive way of behaving. It is truly amazing. I wouldn’t change any of my past. We are who we are from the experiences, the events, and the people that challenge us the most. The greatest part of you comes from those challenges. The inner strength and courage are in each of us.
“Once hopeless, my life is now hopeful, but it did not happen overnight.” Viktor Frankl from the book Mans Search for Meaning
Today as you think about how you want to take responsibility for your life journey, remember self-compassion, and patience, create your own self-care tools, seek out positive and professional help if needed, and never give up on yourself!
I know you can do it!