I am struggling with loneliness. I am feeling lonely in this isolation.
Struggling with loneliness.
Under the Covid cloud, many of us are dealing with isolation, financial burdens, homeschooling, and regulations about Covid safety that can seem to change every day.
Whether you’re alone or in a relationship, you can still feel lonely. Being in the same house with someone does not fill that need and we can feel lonely.
How do we not feel lonely?
Feelings are feelings and they do not have to make sense.
There are many creative ideas to fight off loneliness. It is okay to feel lonely. Acknowledging these emotions helps. One of the most important things is realizing you are not alone and if your loneliness turns into a depression then perhaps you need to speak to somebody and find professional help. That of course is an individual choice and decision and recommended for anyone suffering.
Using technology helps with bridging the gap and the emotional connection when a physical connection is impossible and not recommended. However I have seen, we have witnessed, what happens for two people when they don’t have technology or don’t understand the use of technology. From my own experience, my parents don’t use cell phones as a form of communication. However, a phone is just as effective. Looking at my dad through his window at the care home, engaging in a conversation over the phone with him is just as powerful as if I was sitting in the room. I am outside of course freezing in the winter and he’s inside safe and warm. Which is what we would prefer that they, those in care homes, are safe and warm.
Reaching out to family and friends is important if you are feeling lonely. And sharing your feelings about being lonely and ask for support. It could be in setting up regular phone calls or drop-offs as something positive to look forward to during the upcoming days and weeks. There’s nothing shameful about feeling alone. These are unprecedented times for everyone.
Start today thinking about new ways to keep yourself busy. For example, divide the day up into hours or even 15-minute sections. In each of those sections do something different. Write out a list the night before so that when you wake up your day is filled. For example, if you like to bake start a new recipe. At the end of that achievement think of something else to do, like maybe watch something funny on TV. Start a new hobby, write out all positive in your life, Go for a walk, journal, write a letter an actual letter. If you can volunteer if you can Fill up your waking hours can help reduce that sense of loneliness.
Recognize the moments and times of the day when it hits you the hardest. For me it is first thing in the morning and looking at my list really gets the positive emotional charge in high gear. The idea is to be thinking outside your comfort zone and outside the box of doing the usual. Think of different ways of being creative in filling up your ‘awake time’.
I recently heard from a CBC guest on Cross Country Checkup, Dr. R. Y. Abdulrehman, C. Psych.
Clinical Director, Registered Clinical Psychologist, to check into what other cultures and religions are doing for the next few months and the various celebrations that are not possible under the current Covid cloud. Great idea! Thinking outside the box folks is fantastic.
How can I cope with loneliness?
Loneliness can create more loneliness. For example, loneliness can make you feel like you don’t fit in, which only makes it harder to reach out. This might seem to confirm that you really don’t fit in, which can make you feel even lonelier. Loneliness can be difficult, but it’s still just a feeling. It can be changed. When you challenge feelings of loneliness or start to make changes in your life, the cycle of “loneliness thinking” starts to break down.
Each of us deals with loneliness in our own way.
My husband and I have two different perspectives on what’s going to happen this Christmas. I like to focus on the positive. Christmas is only a day and that we can celebrate Christmas as in with having our daughters here and presents the big meal on another day, week or month. Something positive to focus on and look forward to sharing again. So much depends on our attitude and our ability to be resilient during times of loneliness and stress.
The most important thing, I will stress again, is we and our families stay safe. Not only safe from Covid but also safe in their own homes in dealing with this new isolation. It is up to each of us to reach out to family friends and neighbors to rebuild positive loving connections to fight back the loneliness.
None of us is invincible depression and loneliness can happen to anyone.
Personally, I thought I had my shit together but not being able to see our daughters, visit parents, friends, go to movies, art gallery, and dinner has really sucked! Yes, I was lonely. The hope is to know that you are not alone, to seek out professional help if needed, create a day of ‘busy-ness’. Use your imagination, ask for ideas to be fill up your 15 minutes and each hour. Develop a positive routine of having a list for the next day as a way of looking forward to the positive.
Together we can get through the loneliness. Never give up and stay strong.
Remember to reach out for help.
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