‘Why do people commit suicide’
is a question asked every time we see and hear about the tragdey in the news. We are stunned and shocked, confused as to the ‘why’. Often focusing on the persons lifestyle, the celebrity power and the wealth all of their worldly goods. There are experts who have all sorts of reasons and analysis of suicidal behaviors. If we are looking for an answer, no answer is going to be found.
However I would like to say something that could possible give some insight, at least awareness. As someone who has been standing on that edge of the abyss of suicide, a handful of sleeping pills thinking about ‘things’ was far from my mind. Worldly goods was not even a thought, no thoughts of what I would be missing if I made that choice to take the pills. What if I decide to live? At that very moment, all I could think of was falling asleep and not feeling anything, no pain, no stress, nothing. After so many years of workplace conflicts, I was done. Just done! Looking in the mirror there was someone staring back I no longer recognized.
In some cases, people who are thinking of suicide
are not thinking of the pain of others but the despair, hopelessness and the blackness in that moment.
The death of Anthony Bourdain we felt a deep sense of loss and many questions.
From the perspective of the rest of the world he seemed to have ‘it all’. Everything we think is a sign of success. Yet he had been dealing with depression and other issues for some time. Everyone does what they need to do to survive and in some cases, we will really never know what turned the switch to wanting to live to wanting to die.
That choice to live?
Starring in the mirror looking at refection I was not thinking of how killing myself would devastate my wonderful husband, siblings and friends. It was a miracle glance at a small picture that I could see out of the corner of my eye. A sober second thought, a school picture from grade one of a smiling little girl, my daughter, that stopped me from swallowing that handfuls of pills. ‘I could not do that to her’ the only thought. Not everyone has that split second of clarity. Today I am thankful that over the years in dealing with mental health I also had created a self-care tool kit to survive. In those days of troubled memories and events I use that tool kit and a group of positive supports in day to day living.
I am deeply saddened by the death of Anthony Bourdain. No I never did meet him and like many of you, followed his cooking and travel adventures. Like you I thought he had it all, until those last few minutes of his life, and like you was shocked by his death. It is important to have those conversations about him, suicide and mental health so that if you or someone you love is on that edge, they will have the safety plan, the right self care tools, to reach out and make that phone call, that sober second thought of hope. For you who are triggered by the recent suicides, please seek help and know that you are not alone.
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-44414747