It has been nine years since I retired.
At the time I had no idea what that retirement would look like or feel like. For years the workplace conflicts had taken a toll on my mental and physical health. Damaged and emotionally broken I have to admit filled with anger, resentment and frustration. It took a year before I truly felt ‘free’. I mean really free.
Yet the triggers were still there with implicit memory
of unknown numbers on the phone, white police cars, brown envelops in the mail and nightmares. It was a long painful self discovery of finding my voice and creating happiness, what is referred to as my self care tool kit. At first there were only a few things that worked but since retiring the tool kit is overflowing. The journey was long. Am I the same person? Not really. My emotional growth has been the best part of that journey.
Do I have ‘bad days’?
Yes I do… yet awareness is they key to empowerment. We have choices everyday. Why would I let the past define the future? Why would I allow a few people destroy the future of having love and happiness? Not an option. I had a choice, we have a choice of doing the work everyday to define ourselves and who we want to be as we live with PTSD. As we learn and grown remember to be forgiving and compassionate.
Making the choice to follow my own truth, continue to help others find their voice,
to speak up, educate people who have not done that emotional work and that has always included the RCMP.
I am thankful every morning and evening for the gift of another day with the people I love.
Because there had been a moment where standing on the edge of abyss in despair, death seemed a better option. I am thankful
As you start your day, ask yourself ‘what am I thankful for today?’