The Art of Boundaries: Recognizing Bullying, Creating Space and Knowing When to Speak Up
In the workplace, setting boundaries is not only an act of self-care but a key component of maintaining healthy relationships. Boundaries allow us to protect our mental and emotional well-being while fostering mutual respect with co-workers. Boundaries also give us physical safety. Unfortunately, not all forms of workplace conflict are obvious—subtle bullying and manipulative behavior can easily go unnoticed if we are not paying attention. The challenge lies in learning when to give yourself space when to speak up, and how to evaluate the relationships that matter most.
As philosopher John Stuart Mill – “The worth of a state, in the long run, is the worth of the individuals composing it.”
(A reminder that every individual—regardless of gender—has value in building a healthy workplace.
Why Setting Boundaries with Co-Workers Matters
Boundaries define where your responsibilities end and where others’ begin. In a workplace setting, they ensure that you can manage your workload, maintain focus, and protect yourself from emotional burnout. Without boundaries, we risk being taken advantage of or becoming emotionally drained by toxic work dynamics.
Boundaries can take many forms:
- Time boundaries: Protecting your personal time and not overcommitting. The power of no.
- Communication boundaries: Deciding how and when you want to be contacted, particularly outside work hours. Turning off technology at home and holidays.
- Emotional boundaries: Being clear about how much personal information you choose to share with co-workers. Again it is okay to say ‘no’.
By setting these boundaries, you define your role and safeguard your mental health. It is not about creating barriers—it is about creating clarity. This is easier said than done especially then people don’t respect your boundaries or don’t think they are important.
Recognizing Subtle Forms of Bullying (covert bullying)
Speaking from experience this was so subtle that it took me months to figure it out. Bullying at work is not always overt. It can manifest in subtle, insidious ways that can erode confidence and well-being over time. Some signs to watch for include:
- Passive-aggressive remarks or backhanded compliments
- Exclusion from meetings, social events, or decision-making opportunities
- Undermining your work or taking credit for your ideas
- Repeated interruptions or dismissive behavior
Subtle bullying can be easy to dismiss or justify. You might tell yourself, “Maybe I’m just being too sensitive,” but these behaviors often form patterns that, over time, damage your mental health and professional reputation. Imagine coming to work and your boss says hello to everyone expect you, everyone gets invited for lunch except you. We begin to feel that there must be something wrong with me! Once is an accident, twice is a coincidence and three times is a pattern of behaviour. Watch for the patterns.
As Confucius said, “The man who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones.” Recognizing these “small stones” of toxic behavior is the first step toward creating change and protecting yourself.
The Power of Giving Yourself Space by Setting Boundaries
Not every conflict requires an immediate reaction. Pick your battles and what is important to you. Sometimes, the healthiest response is to step back and give yourself time and space to reflect.
- Evaluate the Situation: Ask yourself, Is this worth my time and energy?
- Prioritize Your Well-being: Your mental health is more important than winning every workplace battle. Choose to be happy instead of right.
- Create Emotional Distance: When tensions run high, take a step back and regain perspective before responding. Remember to breath.
Giving yourself space is not avoidance—it is a form of self-protection that allows you to respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively. It is okay to return to a conflict if needed.
Knowing When to Speak Up
While some situations call for space, others require you to speak up and assert your boundaries. Knowing when to do so often depends on the value you place on the relationship and the impact of the behavior.
When to Speak Up is an Indiviudal Choice:
- When the behavior crosses a professional or ethical line
- When your mental health is suffering
- When the behavior is persistent and not improving
When speaking up, do so calmly and professionally. Use “I” statements/messages to express how the behavior affects you without sounding accusatory. For example:
- “I feel uncomfortable when my contributions are dismissed in meetings. I’d appreciate being given the opportunity to share my perspective.”
I remember the first time I used the “I” messages on my bullying boss who was yelling at me in the office surrounded by coworkers. Holding my breath said ‘please do yell at me in front of everyone it is disrespectful and I feel embarrassed.’ He was stunned and we stared at each for what seemed an eternity and he stomped off into his office. My heart was pounding through my bullet proof vest.
The Value of Mindful Relationships
Not all workplace relationships are equal. Some are worth nurturing and protecting, while others may be transactional or toxic. Be mindful of how much emotional investment you place in each relationship. Ask yourself:
- Is this relationship mutually respectful?
- Does this person make me feel heard and valued?
- Do I leave interactions with this person feeling energized or drained?
Being selective about where you invest your energy allows you to focus on relationships that uplift and support you rather than drain you.
It is always a choice
Setting boundaries, recognizing subtle forms of bullying, and knowing when to speak up or step back are essential skills for navigating today’s workplace. Boundaries are not selfish—they are a vital part of maintaining your health and happiness.
As Marcus Aurelius once said, “You have power over your mind—not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength.” Learning to control your responses and protect your well-being is one of the most powerful things you can do.
By creating clear boundaries and fostering healthy relationships, you take control of your work life and create space for growth, happiness and success.