Valentine’s Day and being alone! Frantic or fun?
A puzzling question and one that card companies and the makers of heart shaped chocolates count on us feeling the need to purchase these products to prove to the world, ‘hey we are romantic’. Really that is way too much pressure. Why do we do that to ourselves?
Do you look forward to this day or do you agonize leading up to February 14?
There was a time when as a single person, and a single mom, I used to dread Valentine’s Day. I did not like everything it represented. The commercialization, buying flowers, heart shaped chocolates, and intense pressure to have some sort of romantic tale to share with your co-workers on February 15.
Perhaps you can relate. Single parenting, shift work and dealing with workplace bullying left little time for romance. Valentine’s Day would arrive and I was forced to watch this dance of delight for my married friends celebrating February 14th. I hated that feeling of being left out.
Interestingly along the journey of single and dating was self discovery. And I remember asking my counsellor why I keep picking the wrong people? Her reply stunned me! “ What is the most common factor in all those unhealthy relationships?”
Self reflection sometimes really sucks.
Empowerment is accountability for our thoughts, actions and behaviors. Yes I had to admit the most common factor in all those lousy relationships was me. Bullying wears you down, sexual harassment and violence destroys your sense of worth.I picked people to be in my life who I thought I deserved.
It was dysfunctional dating because I truly believed that being alone was a sign of unworthiness. Yet the reality was picking people who were abusive was a sign of unworthiness. Being alone is part of the journey to empowerment. Learning to like who you are, valuing your voice, body and mind. No one else can do that for you. Only you.
If you like who are then you are never alone. Yes you can feel lonely and with your own self care tool kit fill that emptiness tank yourself.
For many years Valentine’s Day spending time with my daughter was all I wanted. We enjoyed each others company , the creative fun in making plans. Dressing up and going out for dinner at a nice restaurant or making dinner at home, pizza, popcorn and Pepsi evenings with a good movie.
This Valentine’s Day alone or couple, do what you need to do, create your own day that fits with your life and needs. For me I like to make a nice dinner by trying out new recipes.
We learn from each other and there is nothing more sad than people dumping on themselves because they do not have a partner. Helping people learn to truly value themselves is something most of us were never taught as children.
If you like who you are then you are less likely to be scared of being alone, less likely to settle for unhealthy relationships, less likely to have affairs (never works) less likely to dismiss, recognize and accepting abusive behaviors and less likely to put up with toxic relationships.
Good news , we can re-learn to value who we are and break those negative relationship patterns of behaviour
By developing those qualities that you value in yourself, such as honesty, respect, kindness, positive sense of humour, intelligence, healthy lifestyle are a few.
Our children learn from us. Giving them the gift of self care tools and valuing themselves well you have created a healthy empowered individual. No one can make you happy except you.
The point is by showing your children that as parents we value ourselves as individuals, and you don’t need a partner to be happy. We have a choice and complete control. You have given them the best life lesson.
That means on Valentine’s Day and every other day they may be alone but they won’t be as lonely because they are spending time with the most important person, themselves.