Why do I feel bad about my life?
Why do I feel frustrated with the people around me, and my relationships?
Why do I not feel happy when I really have no reason to be unhappy.
Happiness is an individual and active decision we make every single moment of every single day.
The choice we have is sometimes affected by the events, our past, triggers and people around us. Those are the things that we cannot control. These can quickly surface at any time and cause us some emotional stress. When they surface means we have unresolved issues and pain/fear of the unknown.
Everyone is different in what makes them stressed out.
The worst thing we can do for our physical and emotional well-being is to ignore stress. To ignore or remain silent on things that bother us at home, the workplace and in our personal relationships! Yikes!
We can always learn a better healthier way to manage our stress and feelings of unhappiness. Speaking from experience ( I like to share the lessons learned) allowing my fear to keep me in silence from speaking up about workplace bullying, sexual harassment and other conflicts came at a cost to both mental and physical wellbeing. Yet I was too worried and more focused on the impact on someone else, thereby ignoring my own feelings, my own emotions, my own needs. Thankfully things have changed. Today, yes I speak up everywhere on issues that matter most. Has this ever happened to you, putting everyone else ahead of your own emotional needs? Not a good idea and not empowering.
I always like to stress that the one thing we have absolute complete control over is our attitude, how we react, how we respond and what we retain from interactions and events. That doesn’t mean we cannot feel sad depressed and down at some point during our lives.
And sometimes there can be no reason why we feel sad or depressed. The key is awareness. Going deeper into our inner selves and trying to find out, discover, release that stress, sadness, disappointment, feelings of unhappiness.
Let’s face it living under the Covid cloud for over a year has really put a damper on most of our mental health and having to relearn better-coping skills under these extremely stressful months. Yes, I have had several moments of ‘argggg I hate this!’
Acknowledge your feelings. Feelings are feelings they don’t have to make sense but they are feeling and they are powerful for you.
Seek out positive supports(Not those who belong to the moan groan society or the pity parade people) those folks who are pos and happy, create your own self-care tools that fit with who you are.
It is in times of stress, in times of feeling depressed sad and lonely, that we reach into that self-care to get and find ways to be positively distracted. It’s not that we are ignoring our emotional triggers, past or pain, it’s that we are choosing to find ways to emotionally recharge ourselves. And the only person who can recharge your emotional happy battery is you. Only you, no one else. To me, that is empowering to know that I have the power to get through a difficult emotional time, the sadness and the triggers. Yes, it is okay to share with positive folks, hanging out with supportive people, not the moan groan society which keeps us stuck in misery.
Canadian Mental Health Association
Characteristics of Mental Health
Understanding the characteristics that make up good mental health will help you determine how mentally fit you are. Here are some real-life examples:
Ability to enjoy life You’ve just become engaged. You join your friends and family in celebrating the future you are planning with your partner. You realize that life before and after your marriage will bring challenges, but worries about problems that may crop up do not dim the joy you feel.
Resilience Due to changes in the marketplace, you are suddenly laid off from a job you love. You are shocked and angry, but those emotions fade quickly as you put the event in perspective. You gather solid references, revamp your resume and begin your job search.
Balance An old friend confronts you, saying you never have time for him. You are taken aback and give excuses of overwork. Then you look at it from their point of view, and realize you have been letting that relationship and other personal interests slide. You make a commitment to restore the balance.
Self-actualization While working full-time at an undemanding job, you take a night course in a field that has always intrigued you. You realize your talents and interests lie with this other area. You consult your teacher for advice and begin pursuing a new career path.
Flexibility The love of your life has walked out. You are devastated and feel like all your plans for the future have been ruined. After grieving for a time, you begin to see that your expectations of the relationship and of your partner were unrealistic. Gradually, you reconsider what you want and expect from a partner.
The idea is awareness. Setting yourself up for success during difficult times, being mindful of your limits and boundaries. Create your own self-care tools that fit with who you are. Surround yourself with positive people when you’re feeling sad or depressed. Use creative ways to stay connected. A phone call, FaceTime, any creative ways to stay connected with positive people is good for your physical and mental health, and a way to boost your happiness emotional fuel cells.
Ask yourself what makes me happy, what does it look like for me? Here are some great ideas.
Happy people live with purpose. They find joy in lasting relationships, working toward their goals, and living according to their values. The happy person is not enamored with material goods or luxury vacations. This person is fine with the simple pleasures of life—petting a dog, sitting under a tree, enjoying a cup of tea. Here are a few of the outward signs that someone is content.
- Is open to learning new things
- Is high in humility and patience
- Smiles and laughs readily
- Goes with the flow
- Practices compassion
- Is often grateful
- Exercises self-care
- Enjoys healthy relationships
- Is happy for other people
- Gives and receives without torment
- Lives with meaning and purpose
- Does not feel entitled and has fewer expectations
- Is not spiteful or insulting
- Does not hold grudges
- Does not register small annoyances
- Does not angst over yesterday and tomorrow
- Does not play games
- Is not a martyr or victim
- Is not stingy with their happiness
Sometimes we self-sabotage our own happiness because of our painful past and the triggers. We can also believe in the ‘when and then game’. When I make enough money I will be happy, I failed once it’s over for me, there are no good people to marry, my job sucks and there is nothing I can do when my kids go to school then I will be happy when my partner values me then I will be happy. You get the idea! So much of ‘happiness’ depends on our attitude. I played all those excuses for years before realizing finding happiness was already inside my own soul, I just had to find my own way to let it out, to express emotions, set boundaries, to relearn to value who I am and keep believing in my own voice.
This is where awareness, understanding, is key to moving forward in a positive loving way to finding your way back from feeling sad to happiness. Again I repeat because we can often forget the important stuff, a positive attitude along with self-care tools and strategies is what gives us resilience in life.
One thing to remember is our scars remind us where we have been but they do not, and I must stress, they do not define our future happiness or success. That is completely in your hands. If you are feeling down and depressed it is okay to seek out professional help in navigating your own journey.
Never give up the power of your voice to find happiness.